Sunrise Tantalize

Dave wrote an excellent post on What Can’t Mormons Do? Part 2: The Law of Chastity. It helps me understand where LDS people are coming from with the Law of Chastity. But I just don’t get the overall picture. And I’m really trying to understand. I think it stems from fundamental differences in LDS and non-LDS thought.

(Dave, I’m not criticizing your post. I’m just trying to understand. And I don’t want to confuse anyone who is looking for basic LDS info at WhatDoMormonsBelieve by posting this in the comments section.)

I have grown up believing soul = spirit. But, according to Joseph Smith, soul = body + spirit (D&C 88). If Christ has saved our souls and they belong to him, and I would be the caretaker of my soul. If I take good care of my soul than it will return to Christ. Or maybe I should think of it more like a rental contract. I may use my body to house my spirit and the Holy Ghost but the contract says that the body cannot engage in sex before marriage. And if I obey the terms of the rental contract, then eventually the body will become my own at the resurrection. But that’s not even true because everyone (except a very small few) will be resurrected and united with their physical body. The difference in the kingdoms of heaven doesn’t have to do with what type of body we get back because we all get back our own bodies. The difference is what level we end up in and thus that makes a difference to our spirits.

This is a common argument as well and the one presented to me by the missionaries: Sexual intimacy can create life, and thus it is a sacred act similar to partaking the sacrament. But what about when it doesn’t create life - for example when barrier methods or birth control methods are used? Is it wrong to have sex when using birth control? More problems arise if the answer is no. Since sex is sacred because cause the creation of life, then it follows that sex is not sacred when it does not/ cannot cause the creation of life. If having sex is a sacred act, then why must it occur within the bonds of marriage? Marriage is sacred so then a sacred act like sex can only happen within marriage?

Maybe I have difficulty claiming that my body is sacred because it is so messed up. It doesn’t function properly. I have had random benign tumors inside of me. Without medication I am depressed for 8 out of 12 months of a year. I suffered with horrible acne for years as a teen. It is hard to view my body as sacred when it causes me so much pain. Or maybe I don’t view sex as sacred. Creating a child is sacred, but sex isn’t always.

I have a hard time understanding why God would command us not to have sex before marriage. I honestly think He doesn’t really care. How can it rank slightly below murder and denying the Holy Ghost? I feel like stealing, being abusive/harming someone, and selling drugs (among many other sins) ranks above sex before marriage. I think God cares if we did stupid things like get drunk and have a one night stand. Or have sex outside of marriage without protection. But how is it harmful to have sex within a loving, committed relationship where you accept all of the potential consequences of your actions including possible physical or emotional harm?

Obviously I’m very confused. Can anyone help me out? Why am I so confused? It seems so simple to those who have grown up in the LDS faith. Currently “because God said so” is my only reason for obeying the Law of Chastity, but I’d like to add some other reasons too.

Disclaimer: I think this is a really important issue and I think there is not enough information out there for parents and young women. So I’m going to try to put some information here, but I encourage you to do your own research as well. Talk to your health care provider or your child’s. Remember, I’m not a licensed health care provider.

What’s HPV?

HPV is a viral infection formally known as human papilloma virus. There over 100 different strains of HPV and about 40 strains are sexually transmitted. HPV is the most common sexually transmitted infection (STI). Some strains cause genital warts, others cause cervical cancer, and most seem to not have any effects at all. According to Planned Parenthood, at least 50% of the population contracts HPV at some point during their lifetime.

There’s a good overview of the issues surround HPV and the HPV vaccine on PBS’s NOW website. Click here to watch the show.

What’s the HPV vaccine?

The HPV vaccine is sold by Merck under the tradename of Gardasil (R). You may have seen their “One Less” ads on TV or in a magazine. It’s a 3-shot vaccine. You get the first shot, then you get the second shot 2 months later, and then you get the third shot 4 months after the second shot. So it takes 6 months to get all three shots. The vaccine lasts for at least 5 years, maybe longer. A booster shot may be needed in the future, but they need to do more research to determine that. The HPV vaccine protects against 4 strains of HPV. Two of those strains cause 70% of the cases of cervical cancer, and the other two strains cause 90% of the cases of genital warts. Note that it does NOT prevent all types of cervical cancer or HPV.

The vaccine is recommended for all girls aged 11 and 12 years old. Girls as young as 9 and women as old as 26 are still qualified for the vaccine. It is better if the vaccine is given before sexual contact occurs (thus 11 and 12 is the prime age) for prevention of HPV infection. While the HPV vaccine cannot treat or cure preexisting infections, it can prevent you from being infected by another strain. For example, if Suzie has the type 6 HPV virus, she can still get the vaccine and be prevented against types 9, 16, and 18. So even if you or your daughter has had sex before and are under the age of 27, you should still get the HPV vaccine.

Also, the HPV vaccine cannot prevent existing cases of cervical cancer. Likewise, not all cervical cancer is caused by HPV so you should still get a gynecological exam and a Pap smear done as recommended by your health care provider.

Why get vaccinated if you’re abstinent or in a monogamous marriage?

Consider this, Sara Ylen, a married mother, went grocery shopping in May 2001 and was raped in the crowded grocery store parking lot. Two months later she ends up in the ER in pain and is diagnosed with HPV. Three years later she’s diagnosed with cervical cancer which reaches stage 4, goes into remission, but then the cancer comes back. Would you want this for your daughter? Yourself? Btw, you can find Sara’s Story in a PDF version here. It’s very sad.

Won’t getting the HPV vaccine make my teenage daughter more likely to have sex?

Potentially. But it’s unlikely. If you’re concerned about your daughter having sex then you either need to teach her that she must use protection if she has sex, or you need to teach abstinence. Whatever you are more comfortable with. Personally I prefer safer-sex ed over abstinence only, but she’s your kid. Also, the HPV vaccine only prevents 4 strains. That means that with more than 100 strains out there, your kids still need to be using protection if they have sex.

You could also think about this: Hepatitis B can be transmitted via sexual contact. Most kids today are vaccinated against Hepatitis B at a fairly young age. Do those vaccines make a preteen or teen more likely to have sex? I seriously doubt it. If you get a tetanus shot, are you going to go step on rusty nails?

Isn’t the vaccine expensive? How can I obtain the vaccine for less money?

The vaccine costs about $120 per dose and there are 3 doses. That adds up to $360 total. More and more health insurance companies cover all or part of the vaccine. You can also find some state-sponsored programs that provide the vaccine at a lower price. Try searching your state’s website or asking your health care provider. Merck also has a program that provides the vaccine at low or no cost to those who can’t afford it.

What’s up with this HPV vaccine mandate that is mentioned sometimes?

Some states are looking at requiring that all 11 and 12-year-old girls be vaccinated against HPV. Why? Well, first of all, prevention of the virus as well as cervical cancer is key. Some parents are upset because they see it as the government telling them what to do. Also, since HPV is a sexually transmitted disease, parents worry that the vaccine would encourage their kids to have sex sooner. Benefits of mandating the vaccine are lower rates of HPV infection in both males and females, as well as lower rates of cervical cancer. Another benefit of a mandate has to do with increased funding for the vaccine and health insurance companies would be more likely to cover the cost.

What should I do about the HPV vaccine?

First, do your research. Talk your health care provider. Evaluate the facts and make the decision that’s right for you and your family. My position is that every young woman should have this vaccine, if they are healthy enough to get the vaccine (no immune disorders, etc). But ultimately the decision is up to you.

Resources:

* Planned Parenthood: HPV and genital warts; HPV vaccine Q and A
* Merck’s Gardasil site
* Center for Disease Control on the HPV vaccine
* Vaccines for Children - government sponsored program that supplies free vaccines to children and teens under the age of 19 who are either uninsured, medicaid eligible, American Indian or Alaskan Native.

A few weeks ago I stumbled across a post at The Cultural Hall titled “Confessions of a Serial Masturbator/ Repenter“. I have to admit, I am fascinated with all things Mormon and sexual. There’s something about the contrasting messages within the church and the bloggernacle. The LDS church teaches the Law of Chastity which basically means no sex outside of marriage, and marriage is between a man and a woman. From what I can tell, most LDS abstain from sex until they are married. The Church also teaches that “physical intimacy between husband and wife is beautiful and sacred. It is ordained of God for the creation of children and for the expression of love within marriage” (LDS). So there is this contrasting message between being chaste outside of marriage and enjoying sex within marriage. My reading on the ‘nacle indicates that most married LDS have very active, healthy sex lives. I cannot wrap my secularly-raised head around that. I suppose it’s because I view most people who believe in abstinence before marriage as sexually repressed (unfair, I know). They are told sex is bad bad bad, and this mentality brings them shame about all sexuality.

Anyhow, getting back to my main point, the post on masturbation really got me thinking about what I want to teach my children about sexuality. Here’s what I’ve come up with thus far:

• It’s okay to masturbate - only if you are discrete, and it is done in your room, and you wash your hands.
• It’s okay to look at porn occasionally. More than two times per month is too much. Seek help if you find yourself looking at it too much.
• Being LGBT is totally fine. We love you the same as all of our other children. We hope you find someone special to share your life with. (I totally expect at least one of my kids to be LGBT and I will be disappointed if none of them are.)
• No dating until you’re 16. No friends of the opposite sex upstairs. (This could cause a problem with my LGBT kids. I’ll have to think about that one…)
• Use protection! And I will lecture them on all types of birth control and STI protection methods. And I will be the cool (and embarrassing?) mom who allows her kid to buy BC pills.
• You’re getting the HPV vaccination. (Hopefully this won’t still be a controversial issue in 10+ years from now.)
• If you decide to have premarital sex, that’s fine. Just make sure you discuss it with God and you can talk to us too, if you want.
• Please avoid having sex until you’re 18 and out of the house. It just makes it easier on everyone.
• Moderation in all things.

What do you plan on teaching your kids about sexuality? What have you taught them already? What do you wish your parents/elders had taught you? Do you wish you had done something differently?