Sunrise Tantalize

Five minutes ago, I told my mom that I was joining a new church.

“Ok,” she says, “what church?”
“The Mormon Church,” I say.
“Really?” She laughs. “Okay.”
So far, so good, I think.
“Is the Boy a Mormon?”
“No.”
“Why do you have to be a member? Why can’t you just go?”
“Because I want to join.”
“But you’ll have to join again after you move.”
“No, you only have to join once in one location,” I say.
I go to the fridge to get something to eat. I congratulate myself…

“You can’t join the Mormon Church now. That’s irrational!” she says and follows me into the kitchen.
Darn it! I knew it was too good to be true.
“Why is it irrational?” I say.
“Because you have too much going on in your life! And the fact that you can’t see it’s irrational makes it an irrational decision.”
“I have absolutely nothing going on in my life.”
“Then go downstairs and repack your apartment stuff,” Mom says.
“Mom, that’s just stuff.”
“You have a boyfriend.”
“And?”
“You’re moving across the country! To a new city. To a new college. You’re entering a stressful program.”

And at that point I just stopped talking. I was hoping that she’d be okay with it but I guess she’s not. At least all of my close friends are coming to my baptism as are my siblings. (And then we’re getting sushi! yum!) It’s already hard enough having (relative) strangers baptizing me and speaking at the service. It would be nice if my boyfriend or my dad belonged to the church so they could baptize me. It would be nice if my parents showed up for the baptism.

Yes, I am at a stressful point in my life. The reason why I began looking into all of this religion stuff was because I was sick. It made me want to do all of the things I had been putting off. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Let’s say I’m making a mistake by being baptized. Eventually I’ll figure it out and leave the church… if I’m making a mistake. But right now, I don’t feel like it’s a mistake. Sigh.

Update on the “Coming Out” Process (see the last 3 posts)

I’ve polled my siblings on telling my parents about joining the LDS church. My (younger) brother thinks that neither mom nor dad will care. And they don’t have any right to care. Dad might just be happy that I’m going to church, says my brother. Little sis thinks that Mom and Dad will both flip out with Mom rated as ‘kinda flipping out’ and Dad rated as ‘really flipping out.’ The Boy thinks that I should have bought the Strawberry Blonde beer I was lusting over in the grocery store to show my parents that I won’t be “a crazy conservative Mormon.” I think my parents know me better than that. I think the Boy may be worried that I’ll become a crazy conservative Mormon. But I am trying very hard to be patient with him.

Book of Mormon Resources/ Hints

If you’re struggling through the Book of Mormon for the first time (like me), here are some hints. My main problems are that I fall asleep while reading or I’m really confused about what’s going on.

• Try listening to the BoM instead of reading. The LDS Church has an audio page with a link to the audio version of the Book of Mormon. You can listen to each chapter in your browser or you can download the entire BoM or the individual books to your computer. If you download them you can upload them to your iPod/mp3 player or burn them to a CD and listen while you’re doing something else.
• I like to listen to the chapters with the physical copy propped up against my knees while knitting. Apparently I need to be multi-tasking at all times to stay awake. I got through 2 Nephi 1-10 in an hour tonight.
• There’s a pretty good summary at the Book of Mormon Online. Click on “Lehites in Jerusalem and Arabia” to start at 1 Nephi.
• If you want a version of the Book of Mormon in simple, modern English visit PlainBookofMormon.com. It’s basically the paraphrased version.
• You can find another summary here at Light Planet.
• The official Book of Mormon can be found at LDS.org.
• There’s a pronouncing guide in the back of the Book of Mormon. It’s after Moroni and before the index.

I was going to write about something else as well, but I forget what it is and I’m tired and going to bed.

What’s the big deal?

So why am I hesitant about telling my family and sharing my faith? Well, it’s not my style to tell everyone everything that is going on in my life. Everyone knows that I am very much in love with the Boy but they don’t need to know about all of our future plans or the exact ways that we show our love. I’m a quiet, reserved, introverted person. I don’t shout things from the rooftops.

In my family, sharing an idea means that the listener is now allowed to comment, make suggestions or condemn that idea. If you don’t want someone else’s opinion then don’t tell anyone about it. The difference between telling you (the audience) and my parents due to our relationship. Sure, you guys can comment and I can think about those comments but I can also choose to disregard them without consequences. My parents still have the idea that their opinion should count more than my own in my decision-making process. Then they get to nag me and follow me around until I submit to what they want me to do.

I also have heavy emotional scars from telling my parents things in the past. I didn’t tell them that I was depressed until I was 19 and I had been depressed since I was 12. Because I knew that they would blame me for a biological condition. Even though I’m well now, they still don’t want to talk about it. I’ve forgiven my parents for their reaction but it still hurts.

I think I’m avoiding telling my parents because I hate conflict. And I don’t want to defend my beliefs. I just want to say, “I’m getting baptized in the LDS church, and you’re welcome to come to the ceremony.” Then they can say, “Cool. We’ll come” or “Cool. But we don’t feel comfortable going.” But I know it’s not that easy. They’ll be a million questions about the church and what I do or don’t believe. The whole question of the grandchildren’s (my children’s) religion. What about baptism and marriage? What does the Boy think about all of this? How can I support a religion with such weird values? Why am I joining a religion that is anti-choice and doesn’t support homosexual relationships?

The current recommendation from Kay and the Boy is not to tell my parents about joining the Church. They think that if I must tell my parents, then I should do it after I move and not while I’m living at home.

I don’t know. I debated even posting about this. I don’t know how they’ll react. Heck, I should just tell my mom tonight and see what she says. Then I’ll have something to real to write about and not just be speculating.