Sunrise Tantalize

Well, I had a very eventful weekend. J arrived, we packed up the car, I panicked because not everything fit in the car, we repackaged everything into grocery bags, we re-loaded the car, we hugged everyone goodbye, we drove to campus for one last look and… J AND I GOT ENGAGED! Woohoo! And I still can’t believe it. And then we spent the next 12 hours driving in the car and calling all of our family and friends.

That J is a sneaky, sneaky guy. He bought the antique engagement ring I fell in love with and showed him almost three months ago. At the time, he told me that he didn’t want any input from me on the proposal, but I managed to get him to look at rings with me so he would know what style I liked. And then he said that he preferred to get a new diamond and ring. So I thought it was a lost cause and that the ring was sold long, long ago. And it was sold — sold to J who sneakily picked it up before arriving at my house. Then on Friday night he went downstairs to “get a glass of water” and asked my dad for his blessing. According to J, my dad was smiling a lot. And apparently my mom and my sister were eavesdropping so they knew too. J proposed the next day when we went downtown to take one last tour of the campus before heading for the highway. I was suspicious by that point but I thought maybe I was just being silly. So I still went into shock when he went down on one knee and said, “Will you marry me?” I barely managed to mumble out “yes” and then “thank you” when I saw the ring. Who says ‘thank you’ during a proposal? ::smacks forehead:: I thought I’d cry and jump up and down, but, no, I kind of just stood there and said “yes.” Poor J.

As we walked back to the car, I asked, “By the way, where did you get this ring from?” And he said, “Where do you think I got it from?! It’s the one you showed me!” And I said, “Well, I thought so, but I wasn’t sure. I thought it was a lost cause.”

So here’s the ring. Isn’t it beautiful? I love it. (Of course, the picture doesn’t do it justice.) And what’s better is that I’m marrying J - the most wonderful guy ever.

What better way to start off then to discuss the all-time confusing topic of getting engaged? Let me fill you in on the relationship thus far. The Boy and I have been dating for a little over a year. We met online via Match.com which sounds really cheesy. Yes yes, I see you rolling your eyes. But he was a student at the same school as me which makes it much less creepy than you might expect. Anyhow, after the third date I basically knew that we would get married one day. There was that instant sort of connection; we felt like we knew each other all our lives. As we enjoyed the first few months of being in love, there was a dark cloud hanging overhead: The Boy would be graduating and moving across the country in a few months. After many arguments with myself I decided that the connection we had was more important than the fact that he would be 12 hours away.

So while the beginning was rather rough, the year hasn’t been too bad. We see each every 3-5 weeks - this is mostly made possible by his full-time salary. Now the plan is/was/will ever be for me to move out to be with him. Ideally I would also be moving out there to go to school. Unfortunately, I am currently jobless and school-less. Thus I am not finding much motivation in moving out there. After a year of this we can obviously survive being apart for a few more months. I am just having a hard time with moving there for “us” or as it sometimes feels, for him.

If I was his wife, or soon-to-be-wife, this would be a whole lot easier. For the sake of “us” I could give up the job I love, the city I call home, and the closeness to my family. Can I give all of that up as his girlfriend? I’m not so sure. It’s not like we’re moving out there together. He’s already established there and I’m leaving everything behind. This ’sacrifice’ (as I see it) would be easier if we were experiencing these losses and frustrations together. I know that I will move out there. If not next month, then at the end of the summer. But I also know that without that marriage commitment I will be resentful and bitter beyond what is healthy.

The Boy visited this past weekend and I dragged him down to the antique shop with me to show him engagement rings. I found the most beautiful ring and we had my finger sized and everything. The Boy wants to plan out the proposal by himself without any input from me. Fine, I’ll grant that. But I really did put the pressure on this weekend. I want him to know how I feel without him feeling like I’m giving him an ultimatum. Finally I reminded him, “Moving out East is a huge commitment for me, and I would like a tangible commitment from you in return.” And after thinking all of this over, I’m not sure what I want. Do I want to be engaged ASAP? Or do I want him to wait?

Half of me says I want to be engaged ASAP so that I feel like I am more able to make the decision to move out there. It will also help me feel less resentful since I will feel like the commitment is reciprocated. Half of me wants him to wait until I move out there. I don’t feel totally in love with him right now. Maybe we should wait until I’ve stopped feeling resentful about the move. Either way, I’ll say yes and I won’t regret it at all. Perhaps I should just leave the timing up to him and deal with whatever happens…