Sunrise Tantalize

I’ve never been particularly concerned with being modest. Mostly because I wear what I wear (or don’t wear) because it makes me feel good. Plus I’m very comfortable with my body - increasingly so in the last few years. I love my body. How many women can say that? Now, since joining the LDS Church I’m having to discern what is and what is not appropriate. I’ve never been the type of girl who wears scandalously low-cut shirts, too-tight clothing, or super-short skirts. But I did wear some shirts that showed a little cleavage, sleeveless dresses, tank tops and shorts that were mid-thigh length or longer. I can understand having higher necklines and longer shorts and skirts but I don’t understand the sleeveless aspect. Personally I think there is nothing wrong with baring a little shoulder. Since when were shoulders sexy? Clavicles and necks, maybe; shoulders, no. And yes, I know that my clothing is supposed to cover up the garments. But I don’t wear garments.

Do you dress less modestly at home? I do. I wear tank tops and shorts all the time at home, especially in the summer. Actually I don’t wear pants or skirts when I’m at home in the summer. They’re the first thing to come off when I come in the door. It’s just too hot to wear pants, and skirts get wrinkled easily. I do the same at J’s apartment. He’s certainly not complaining but he behaves himself.

It frustrates me to be nit-picky about what to wear. I have a knee-length skirt but I forgot that it has a small slit in the back so I can walk. How low is too low for a shirt? I avoid shirts that are obviously too low, but what about the shirts that are on the borderline? Is it really so awful to wear a sleeveless shirt? Can I get away with taking off my jacket and exposing my shoulders in my all-female class? I just want to wear what I feel comfortable in. Is God really going to say, “well, that one skirt wasn’t quite long enough. So, sorry you’re out of the Celestial Kingdom.” I seriously doubt it. And of course I respect my body. I love it and I think it’s beautiful. And I know I’m a child of God and I’m grateful for what he’s given me. I’m trying to follow the spirit of the law. Can everyone just stop being so judgmental?!

Do I think that women (or men) who wear revealing outfits are asking to experience sexual assault or harassment? No, of course not. The offender is always responsible for his/her own actions. Do I find super revealing outfits to be distracting? Yes. Sometimes it’s like watching a car wreck and you just can’t look away. But I try not to judge people who dress less modestly than me. Especially if they are reasonably covered. Reasonably covered = pants that aren’t too low cut; not too tiny short and skirts; not falling out of your shirt; shirts that aren’t too tight (guys and girls). Actually, as long as someone is reasonably covered it doesn’t bother me at all. And it’s definitely not any of my business. I’m not the fashion police.

I think I’ll just go with the attitude of “I’ll wear what I feel comfortable in, and if someone (LDS or not) has a issue with it - that’s their problem. Not mine.”

I realize that I sound a little whiney but I’ve been feeling a little frustrated. Or maybe I’m just cranky from the heat and wearing too many clothes. Excuse me while I go remove a layer.

Dave wrote an excellent post on What Can’t Mormons Do? Part 2: The Law of Chastity. It helps me understand where LDS people are coming from with the Law of Chastity. But I just don’t get the overall picture. And I’m really trying to understand. I think it stems from fundamental differences in LDS and non-LDS thought.

(Dave, I’m not criticizing your post. I’m just trying to understand. And I don’t want to confuse anyone who is looking for basic LDS info at WhatDoMormonsBelieve by posting this in the comments section.)

I have grown up believing soul = spirit. But, according to Joseph Smith, soul = body + spirit (D&C 88). If Christ has saved our souls and they belong to him, and I would be the caretaker of my soul. If I take good care of my soul than it will return to Christ. Or maybe I should think of it more like a rental contract. I may use my body to house my spirit and the Holy Ghost but the contract says that the body cannot engage in sex before marriage. And if I obey the terms of the rental contract, then eventually the body will become my own at the resurrection. But that’s not even true because everyone (except a very small few) will be resurrected and united with their physical body. The difference in the kingdoms of heaven doesn’t have to do with what type of body we get back because we all get back our own bodies. The difference is what level we end up in and thus that makes a difference to our spirits.

This is a common argument as well and the one presented to me by the missionaries: Sexual intimacy can create life, and thus it is a sacred act similar to partaking the sacrament. But what about when it doesn’t create life - for example when barrier methods or birth control methods are used? Is it wrong to have sex when using birth control? More problems arise if the answer is no. Since sex is sacred because cause the creation of life, then it follows that sex is not sacred when it does not/ cannot cause the creation of life. If having sex is a sacred act, then why must it occur within the bonds of marriage? Marriage is sacred so then a sacred act like sex can only happen within marriage?

Maybe I have difficulty claiming that my body is sacred because it is so messed up. It doesn’t function properly. I have had random benign tumors inside of me. Without medication I am depressed for 8 out of 12 months of a year. I suffered with horrible acne for years as a teen. It is hard to view my body as sacred when it causes me so much pain. Or maybe I don’t view sex as sacred. Creating a child is sacred, but sex isn’t always.

I have a hard time understanding why God would command us not to have sex before marriage. I honestly think He doesn’t really care. How can it rank slightly below murder and denying the Holy Ghost? I feel like stealing, being abusive/harming someone, and selling drugs (among many other sins) ranks above sex before marriage. I think God cares if we did stupid things like get drunk and have a one night stand. Or have sex outside of marriage without protection. But how is it harmful to have sex within a loving, committed relationship where you accept all of the potential consequences of your actions including possible physical or emotional harm?

Obviously I’m very confused. Can anyone help me out? Why am I so confused? It seems so simple to those who have grown up in the LDS faith. Currently “because God said so” is my only reason for obeying the Law of Chastity, but I’d like to add some other reasons too.

I started responding to comments to Breaking the Law in the comment section but then decided to make it a new post since my response was getting so long. Also, I want to thank all of you for your well thought-out comments and I apologize for the confusion. I guess wordpress’s attempt to filter out trolls and spam is far from perfect.

I personally believe that I should follow the entire Word of Wisdom as it is commonly interpreted (no tea, coffee, alcohol, tobacco or illegal drugs). I agree with Thaddeus when he says, “Personal revelation is a delicate process and requires us to be in a humble, contrite frame of mind. When Susie makes her case to the Lord, she must be willing to take ‘no’ for an answer.” And I was only able to come to my decision about the Word of Wisdom when I was willing to take no for an answer.

However, I could not condemn someone who decided through personal revelation that drinking alcohol in moderation was okay. Thus the imaginary Suzie was born. This post also grew out of concern about conflict between the church’s concept of personal revelation and following the prophet. For as MormonZero said, “”but if their and your answer, decision, or choice concurs w/ that of the GA then FANTASTIC!” But what happens if your answer doesn’t match what the GA says? I suppose that is the real question of my last post.

I think that anyone who feels that they <i>need</i> to get baptized because the Holy Ghost is pushing them to, should be baptized - even if they disagree with certain things that the LDS Church teaches. (I will post more on this later.) Of course, you should agree with certain tenants like belief in Jesus Christ and the atonement. But, for example, I don’t think that God has commanded us not to masturbate. I think that the Church’s approach to masturbation is psychologically damaging. I believe that the interpretation of the Law of Chastity to include masturbation as forbidden is outdated and was formed without input from modern science and psychology. From the confusion and dissent I have seen from members about including masturbation in the Law of Chastity, I believe that this tenant will be changed relatively soon. And I believe all of this has been shown to me by the Holy Ghost.

I also agree with everyone who said that Suzie’s motivation behind her interpretation of the Word of Wisdom is very important. If wanted to keep drinking to have fun, or because it feels good, or to fit in, then yes, she would be wrong in deciding to drink beer. However, what if she said, “Well, I could easily give up all alcohol. I don’t see it as having any benefits or any detriments as long as someone drinks rarely and in moderation. I don’t think the Holy Ghost says that I must drink beer; I think that the Holy Ghost has said that it’s okay if I have a beer every once in a while.” She could even add conditions to that - i.e. she could only drink when she’s at home, by herself, isn’t depressed or stressed, and she can only have 2 beers per month - so that she makes sure that she isn’t drinking with the wrong motivation. Or she could follow some of ditchu’s suggestions about types of beer/alcohol to drink. I don’t think I can argue with Suzie there. I think she would be making a responsible decision through personal revelation. I can’t say, “No, God didn’t say that” because I have no idea what God has or hasn’t said to Suzie.

I have issues with the ‘would you feel comfortable doing something if Heavenly Father/ Jesus Christ was in the room with you’ test. And it is a commonly quoted test (not just by you, ditchu). It’s all over Ensign articles and Church publications. Would I feel comfortable wearing a short skirt in front of Jesus? Well, yeah because I think he wouldn’t care. He has bigger fish to fry. Would I feel comfortable drinking alcohol in front of Jesus? Well, I’d probably ask him if he was okay with it. Or I’d be too surprised at seeing him that I wouldn’t even consider drinking. Would I feel okay masturbating in front of Jesus? (That’s a little too personal of a question.) It would freak me out if Jesus wanted to watch. I’d have to ask Him for some privacy. Not because I would be ashamed but because it’s awkward. Plus, I doubt I would want to, because I’d want to talk to him about other things. I wouldn’t say, “Oh, hi, Jesus. Thanks for stopping in. Could you step out in the hall for a bit? I have something I need to finish up here. Then you can come back and talk to me about whatever important information you have for me.”

Most importantly, I would say to the Suzie of two paragraphs above, “Based on what you’ve told me, I think you should still get baptized. You’ll have to figure out how to answer the questions in the baptismal interview. Baptism is the first step and Heavenly Father knows that you are learning and you aren’t perfect. Also, your revelations will change throughout your lifetime. I think it is impossible to agree 100% of the time with the GAs because of the nature of personal revelation. As long as you are making a good effort to live God’s commandments, then you’ll be okay.”

The baptism is still on. Yay. I am actually excited. I decided several weeks ago that I wanted to be baptized. This was after the Boy told me that he knew that I would be baptized from the way I talked about the church. I’ve decided that I want to be baptized here and not after I move because I know people here and I want them to attend my baptism. I still need to tell the parents. But I feel more confident about that as my confidence in my decision and the LDS church grows.

The Boy and I had a long, emotional talk about the conversion issue. Of course this was while I wasn’t feeling well so I cried through most of it. Basically I said the same things that I said in Ch-ch-changes. I’ve asked him to be open with me about his thoughts and feelings. I think I was exaggerating how the Boy felt about the issue because he wasn’t talking to me about how he felt. This is the first major issue that we’ve had in our year and a half relationship, and it’s very hard to resolve on the phone when you’re a 12-hour drive away. Oh well, relationships are work. Luckily we respect each other and can work things out. Things are better now and he really is a great boyfriend. (You guys only get to hear me stress out about him and the religion issue here.)

I met with the missionaries today. The meeting was less tense than the last meeting. However, it is very awkward to have a conversation about the Law of Chastity with three men when no one else is around. Not to mention slightly inappropriate. I realize that someone has to teach me about it… but it was strange. I wish they had just told me to read the pamphlet and then I could ask them questions if I didn’t understand something. Seriously, how hard is the Law of Chastity to understand? I even summed it up for them: no sexual relations or activities outside of marriage. But then they had to clarify what those activities were. I spent most of the time staring at my shoes and zoning out. The ward member who was there did the same. Much to my surprise, I answered “yes” when I was asked if I would obey the Law of Chastity. I was planning on refusing to answer because I think it’s between me and God and it’s no one else’s business. I think I just wanted the awkwardness to be over so I blurted out “yes.” Awkward.

Anyhow, I feel like joining the LDS Church is like coming back home and I know that being baptized is the right decision.

So I met with the missionaries again today. I’m feeling a bit annoyed that I’ve been switched to a different ward and different missionaries mid-conversion. I was just starting to get used to the old ward and I had met several people. I’d met with those missionaries about six times. Now I have to go to a new ward and I’ll probably meet with the missionaries only 3 or 4 times before I get baptized. The new ward is very close to my parents’ house while my old ward is 20 minutes away. I’ll only be here for another 6 weeks or so before I move. I had been visiting the old ward for 3 weeks. Sigh.

Anyhow, we were talking about the process of confession and something jumped out at me. Why must we confess certain sins to our bishop? Aren’t all of my sins between me and God?

Here are the questions I asked and the answers I got:

• Q: Why should we confess certain sins to the bishop?
• A: Sins that we must confess have to do with either bringing a life into the world or taking one from this world (i.e. creating a baby or murdering someone).
  • Question I didn’t ask - Many violations of the Law of Chastity do not create a child — such as premarital sex when using birth control or masturbation.
• Q: Aren’t all sins between the sinner and God? Can’t forgiveness be granted directly?
• A: Only certain people who hold the priesthood keys can help the repentance process along.
• A: We need to make sure that people who have not repented for certain sins are not allowed in the temple because temples are sacred.
  • Q: Well, people who commit those sins shouldn’t go to the temple.
  • A: That would be nice but some people still go.
  • Q: So if these people still go to the temple even though they have committed a serious sin, wouldn’t they be likely to lie to the bishop?
  • A: (Discussion about discernment.)
  • A: We’ll look it up and get back to you.

Needless to say, these answers weren’t very satisfying. It seems to me that confession to the bishop seems a bit controlling. I understand that the bishop doesn’t grant forgiveness, and sometimes it is helpful to talk to someone about the sin. So if you don’t need forgiveness from the bishop and you think you can deal with it on your own, why go to the bishop? It seems that the Church wants to make sure that certain people (adulterers, murderers, etc) are not part of their church or at least they want to know if members are engaged in devious behavior. I think the confessing-to-the-bishop rule is a rule of man and not of God.

The other thing is that I don’t feel comfortable discussing sexual things with random people. Obviously the bishop doesn’t want you to be specific but I’d have issues with simply saying, “I had sex.” I think whether or not you obey the Law of Chastity is between you and God. It’s no one else’s business.

Some related posts I found: (since I don’t trust wordpress to find related sites)

Grace for Grace post
The law governing confession
Which sins do you confess to the bishop
Confession