Sunrise Tantalize

On the way to work today I was talking to the Boy about the Word of Wisdom, specifically the alcohol part of it. I said, it’s not about whether or not I think the drinking alcohol is immoral or not. Drinking isn’t immoral, unless you do something irresponsible while you’re intoxicated. It’s about making a promise when I know I can’t keep that promise. Plus I can’t really fudge on the WoW because it’s pretty obvious if you’re drinking a beer at the bar.

Anyhow, I come how from work to find an email from the Boy. Basically he’s upset because I’m talking about changing what I do based on a rule I don’t really believe in. He has a good point there. But that’s why I’m continuing to meditate on it. Then he says, “I know it probably sounds like I’m just trying to fight this conversion idea tooth and nail, but I swear I told myself yesterday that I would just try to accept it and be supportive. That being said, I don’t want to see you give up something that I know you enjoy unless you’re sure it’s worth it.” Err… well, I know it’s worth it. (Ha! Maybe there’s my answer to the WoW issue!) And I’m concerned that he has to tell himself that he will try to accept it and be supportive. So we had a talk about that. It seemed to stress him out more than it stressed me out.

Here’s what we came up with. 1. Having a mixed faith marriage is not a deal-breaker. 2. Neither of us will try to convert each other. 3. His preferred church option is for us all to have the same religion. I’ve told him that I can’t promise him that. Another option (my preferred option) is to go to our ‘family’ service in the morning and then I can go to the LDS service in the afternoon. Hopefully we’ll live in a ward with an afternoon service. For some bizarre reason, that is not a good option for the Boy. Why? Because, according to him, I would be “just paying lip-service” to that church. Um, no, I’m fairly flexible on attending church services. I’ll go and support my husband and kids as long as I don’t have to believe. I did grow up in a Protestant church, y’know. Another option is for him to come to church with me - and then when we have kids, we can decide whether or not to send them to Sunday school or to have them just go to sacrament meeting. Of course, I’d be fine with him being baptized too — but only if that’s what he wants to do. The Boy says he just needs to get used to the idea that I’m probably going to be a Mormon. Poor guy.

So… continuing on with my search for faith. We left off with me stumbling upon Mormonism and finding, much to my surprise, that I liked it. Once I found the LDS church I did A LOT of research. I feel like I need to find out everything I can about a religion before I consider joining it. What did I learn? Well basically everything that the missionaries teach in their lessons. (This always seems to disappoint the missionaries.) I looked at the official church site, TBM sites, ex-mormon sites, post-mormon sites, and new order mormon sites. I researched church history - the good, the bad and the ugly. I’m not saying that I know it all, because clearly I don’t. I don’t know much, but I think I do know more than most investigators. I’ve thought about things, prayed about things and did even more research.

How does the Boy feel about this? Well… he’s not thrilled. I think the words “cult” and “magic underwear” were mentioned. Interestingly, he is the one who brought the Church up. He’s said several times in the past year, “You know, I would consider joining the Mormon Church. They seem to have such great family values.” The Boy grew up as a Methodist which is very similar to the Presbyterian Church. He also stopped going to church in college and he hasn’t found a church out East either. I think he’s upset that I’ve picked a faith without him. But he doesn’t particularly feed a need for spirituality like I do. Even when I stopped going to church I always felt that I had spirituality. So since he doesn’t really care, I’ll do what I want - and he’s pretty much ok with that. I feel like faith is so personal and it’s not something I want to compromise on.

I worry about whether I’m making the right decision or not. I read all these blogs of people who are dissatisfied with their faith or have left the church all together. So many of them seem so bitter. I worry about the Boy and if this will have any effect on our relationship. I worry about my future kids and what they will think about all this. I wonder what other LDS people will think if I’m the only LDS person in my family. I asked God (or Heavenly Father, whatever) what I should do about my future family. Here’s the feedback that I got:

• The Boy and I should feel free to subscribe to any faith we want; it doesn’t need to be the same.
• I should let the Boy decide which religion our kids will be brought up in because I’m more likely to accept other religions than he is to accept mine.
• My children should learn about my faith and their dad’s faith (if different). They should attend a church until they’re in high school and then they can make their own decisions.
• I shouldn’t pressure my children or the Boy into joining my faith. I don’t believe that their spiritual choices will reflect badly on me.

So, time will tell what happens. I won’t feel bad if in a few years I decide that the LDS church isn’t right for me anymore. Maybe the Boy will join my faith. Who knows? I guess I’ll continue to wait to be baptized until I’m sure that I’m making the right decision.

A few weeks ago I stumbled across a post at The Cultural Hall titled “Confessions of a Serial Masturbator/ Repenter“. I have to admit, I am fascinated with all things Mormon and sexual. There’s something about the contrasting messages within the church and the bloggernacle. The LDS church teaches the Law of Chastity which basically means no sex outside of marriage, and marriage is between a man and a woman. From what I can tell, most LDS abstain from sex until they are married. The Church also teaches that “physical intimacy between husband and wife is beautiful and sacred. It is ordained of God for the creation of children and for the expression of love within marriage” (LDS). So there is this contrasting message between being chaste outside of marriage and enjoying sex within marriage. My reading on the ‘nacle indicates that most married LDS have very active, healthy sex lives. I cannot wrap my secularly-raised head around that. I suppose it’s because I view most people who believe in abstinence before marriage as sexually repressed (unfair, I know). They are told sex is bad bad bad, and this mentality brings them shame about all sexuality.

Anyhow, getting back to my main point, the post on masturbation really got me thinking about what I want to teach my children about sexuality. Here’s what I’ve come up with thus far:

• It’s okay to masturbate - only if you are discrete, and it is done in your room, and you wash your hands.
• It’s okay to look at porn occasionally. More than two times per month is too much. Seek help if you find yourself looking at it too much.
• Being LGBT is totally fine. We love you the same as all of our other children. We hope you find someone special to share your life with. (I totally expect at least one of my kids to be LGBT and I will be disappointed if none of them are.)
• No dating until you’re 16. No friends of the opposite sex upstairs. (This could cause a problem with my LGBT kids. I’ll have to think about that one…)
• Use protection! And I will lecture them on all types of birth control and STI protection methods. And I will be the cool (and embarrassing?) mom who allows her kid to buy BC pills.
• You’re getting the HPV vaccination. (Hopefully this won’t still be a controversial issue in 10+ years from now.)
• If you decide to have premarital sex, that’s fine. Just make sure you discuss it with God and you can talk to us too, if you want.
• Please avoid having sex until you’re 18 and out of the house. It just makes it easier on everyone.
• Moderation in all things.

What do you plan on teaching your kids about sexuality? What have you taught them already? What do you wish your parents/elders had taught you? Do you wish you had done something differently?