Sunrise Tantalize

I’ve been thinking some more about the modesty issue I wrote about in my last post. ”I cover my body in obedience and devotion to God” - that sounds fine to me. Almost honorable. “I cover my body to follow Church teachings” - that just rubs me the wrong way. “I cover myself to be  chaste” doesn’t sound good. Modesty shouldn’t be about sexuality; it should be about devotion to God. I understand that Church teachings are supposed to be the word of God, but sometimes I think things get garbled. Plus I think I have a bit of an authority problem. Maybe it’s my strong Protestant background. Now I have to decide what is truly from God and what is not. The easy answer is to follow the chain of authority backwards. You know, “if the Book of Mormon is true then Joseph Smith is a true prophet and his church is true and…” But I can’t do that.

I believe that the LDS Church has great truths and practices that I cannot find anywhere else. I also believe that truth can be found in other places. And I believe the ultimate truth is from my Heavenly Father. And the way to discover that is through prayer. I can take things like the Articles of Faith and the Commandments at face value. I guess I would call them ultimate truths. However, I no longer feel obligated to use the same interpretations that church authority uses. For example, I get to decide through prayer what “chastity” means to me (i.e. how much I should cover myself). Or what “keeping the Sabbath Day holy” means to me.

Maybe this is how I always should have been thinking about things. Maybe not. It just seems to me that there is so much “You should do x, y, and z because the Church says so.” And so much intolerance of differing opinions or interpretations. I think it’s because if you come up with a different interpretation, then people assume that someone else’s interpretation is wrong. This seems particularly threatening when people think you’re saying the Prophet is wrong. Maybe, to my fellow church member, keeping the Sabbath Day holy means not going out to eat on Sundays. But to me, I think it’s okay to go out to eat with my family if someone invites me to go. I don’t initiate it by myself. But Sundays mean being with family and most social functions and bonding in Italian families revolve around eating. I don’t think I’m more or less right than another church member. If someone thinks that wearing skirts and dresses are modest, but I’m fine with wearing jeans - that’s cool. 

So anyhow, for some reason all of this just clicked for me. I’ll probably develop a new way of thinking about it in the future. My understanding of faith evolves through out the weeks, months, and years. Sometimes I wonder why I even try to make up my mind on these things.

This post came out of a response to a post on Mormon Women and Alternative Spiritual Paths by Bored in Vernal that got me thinking. In the post, Bored in Vernal wonders how and if LDS women who find value in alternative spiritual paths are able to reconcile their beliefs with the LDS Church. She compares the experiences of LDS women in the early days of the Church versus the experiences of women today.

I recently took a class on Medieval women writers who often wrote on religious material. Some of these women included Julian of Norwich, Margery Kempe, and Marie de France. Several of these women had alternative spiritual experiences. Some women spoke to God or Jesus Christ. Some saw the forbidden sacrament chalice quiver and rise into the air. Many women had visions. Many engaged in self-starvation and only consumed the sacrament. The theory is that since women were devalued by both the Medieval (Catholic) Church and society, that they had to take alternative paths to access or experience a higher power. There’s also theories about why so many of these experiences involve women’s bodies.

The LDS Church is also patriarchal, though women are valued much more than they were in the Middle Ages. I wonder if women in the LDS Church are also forced to find other ways of experiencing God since they are denied the power that comes with holding the priesthood. (And yes, it is power - even if it is only used for good. Men make up the leadership of our church.) In her post, Bored in Vernal says that many women who are drawn to alternative spiritual paths within the LDS Church often either go underground or leave the church due to differences with church members and leaders. I see this as the patriarchy repressing alternative ways of seeking God that do not honor the patriarchal structure.

It is taught that men and women have different roles in the church. Men should be fathers, providers, and priesthood holders. Women should be mothers and nurturers. Notice that women lack a spiritual role; a way to access God like that of men. If men and women are truly equal in their roles, then women should have their own spiritual role. Perhaps women are creating this role for themselves by exploring alternative spiritual paths - and I think Church leaders should respect, and maybe even encourage that role. (I should note that I have read that women working in temples do have that type of spiritual role, though I haven’t done any research on this myself.)

Personally I believe that women will receive a sanctioned spiritual role within the Church equal to but not the same as the priesthood. It’s only a question of time. This is a personal revelation of mine. Perhaps the women of the church need to embrace their alternative spiritual practices and this will cause the change to occur more quickly. If many women are blessing their sick or stressed children, then maybe this will be an accepted practice. Or maybe women need to find their own spiritual paths - paths that were used during the early days of the Mormon Church.

Alternative spiritual paths can be practicing divination, healing, prophesy, speaking in tongues, experiencing visions, et cetera. I find myself most drawn to healing and this makes sense since my career goal is to be a nurse. I could see myself as using aspects of the LDS faith to promote healing and proactive health practices among members. I can see LDS midwives using their faith to guide women and their families through healthy pregnancies and births. And I believe that many families are looking for this kind of care. Perhaps I’ll have to write a post on integrating healthcare and spiritual beliefs…

Since investigating Mormonism I have worried over the fact that my boyfriend (and probable future husband) is not interested in the LDS Church. I worry about if our marriage will be stressed because we are of different faiths. I worry that I’m doing something wrong by not joining a church together. And I worry that we won’t be married for eternity.

Prior to investigating Mormonism, I always assumed that marriages and other family ties outlived death. This wasn’t based on any scriptural evidence, it was simply intuitive. Many non-LDS people think that way, despite the “until death do you part” clause of the typical marriage vows. BUT if I subscribe to LDS beliefs then family bonds do not extend beyond death unless they are sealed in a temple. My boyfriend would say, “Why is that? Would a caring, loving God really separate families?”

Well, you have to think about it in the LDS way and remember that Mormons believe in pre-existence. We are all children of God; we are all spiritual brothers and sisters. That is our initial bond to each other. You can think of the sealings on earth as a reassignment of those bonds into individual family units. This makes it slightly less weird to be sleeping with your spiritual brother (i.e. your husband). Without this reassignment of bonds, you are released from your earthly family bonds after death and you return to being merely a spiritual sister to your former husband, parents and children. According to LDS beliefs, only bonds sanctified by God in the temples are strong enough to withstand death and thus those spirits within those bonds do not experience dispersal of earthly familial bonds and they can retain their husband-wife, parent-child, etc relationships. (This is all sunlize thinking and not really official doctrine. This is my theory guided by the Spirit.)

This leads me to my question: How important is it to get married for now and eternity during our time on earth?

I think it is important to be married for eternity and sealed to our children, but I’m not sure if those events must be completed during our time on earth. This is mainly due to the work for the dead that takes place in the temples. Let’s assume that I marry my non-LDS boyfriend for this lifetime and he never converts. I will simply make sure that we are sealed after our deaths. (Well, I suppose he’d have to be baptized first and all that jazz.) Temple marriage by proxy wouldn’t be that hard to arrange. I could always have my children submit our names, or a close friend, or I could even write it in my will. I’m assuming that the Boy will accept the ordinances done in his name after death if he finds himself in ’spirit prison’. And if there is no spirit prison, then the ordinances won’t cause any harm.

Sure, there are blessings that come from being married or sealed in the temple, but these are related more to the blessings that come from both spouses/ parents being of LDS faith. For the marriage, conflict over issues of faith or of raising the children. Spouses are probably more likely to see eye-to-eye on financial and social issues. For the family, a family with the same faith is probably more cohesive in that part of their life. Everyone abides by the same rules of conduct. If the father is LDS, then he can administer ordinances like blessings and baptisms. Does this mean that mixed-faith marriages are worse than LDS marriages? No. There are plenty of good mixed faith marriages, just as there are some bad temple marriages.

I am also unsure that it is important to be sealed to your spouse during this lifetime because marriages change. Having a temple marriage does not ensure that both spouses will remain TBMs for the rest of their lives. I have read too many stories where one spouse becomes inactive or leaves the LDS faith. I’ve read stories of both spouses leaving the faith. And some of these people had incredibly strong testimonies throughout their lives. They never thought that they would leave the Church. Their spouses never thought their eternal marriage would become disrupted.

So I say, love the one you’re with. Marriages don’t succeed or fail based on the participants’ religious beliefs (or lack thereof). Ability to compromise, to accept your partner as he is, and to respect your partner’s beliefs are essential to having a successful marriage.

I believe in a very personal relationship with God. God and I have the agreement that I am responsible for my own salvation and exaltation, and no one else’s. There are key two points to that agreement. First, I am responsible for my salvation and exaltation. I am responsible for finding the right path back to Heavenly Father. It’s up to me to make covenants with God and follow his commandments to the best of my ability. Also, I can’t blame my problems or mistakes on anyone else.

The second part of my agreement with God is that I am not responsible for anyone else’s salvation. This has relieved a lot of stress for me. Sure, I can expose others to my faith so that they may see how it has changed my life. I cannot, however, convert them. I should not try to convert them. If they want to learn more about then that’s cool. I’ll teach them or invite them to church or send to the missionaries to be taught. But if someone doesn’t want to hear about the Church, that’s okay too.

The only person I wish would become LDS is my boyfriend. Still I cannot convert him. I really want an eternal marriage and I want to be sealed to my future children and I want to share my faith with my boyfriend. It makes me sad that I can’t have that. I observed a naming and blessing of a new baby the other day and I thought that it was really special that the dad could do that for his son. I wish we believed the same things. I wish he could see what I can see.

I believe that people must be exposed to a concept a certain number of times before they will actually consider it. It’s like the theory about introducing food to picky eaters. Some kids will have to be offered a food 10 times before they will actually try it. I figure that I count as a contact point with mormonism for those who aren’t LDS. If someone can have a positive experience with me while knowing that I’m LDS, then maybe they are more likely to try the LDS Church. Or at least they are more likely to ignore or correct stereotypes about Mormons in the future.

Do you consider yourself a member missionary? In what way?

This is my “Statement of Faith” from when I got confirmed in the Presbyterian Church eight years ago. It’s interesting how my beliefs have changed since then. I’ll have to work on an update. It will be posted later (eventually).

***

God is just one name for a collective spiritual being. There are many ways to believe in this spiritual being and Christianity is one way. God, Jesus, Son, Father, Lord, and Holy Spirit are all names for the same spiritual being. This being is not particularly male or female, but is more of an “it.” God is so complex that there is no real way to describe him. God is present everywhere and in everyone and everything.

Jesus was an example of God in human form. He was created so that we can relate to and more strongly believe in God. Jesus was involved in teaching us about God and about being a good person. Because Jesus is part of God, belief in God results in belief in Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

Baptism and communion are two important sacraments. However they are not completely necessary. One’s true amount of commitment to one’s faith and one’s beliefs are only known to God and that person.

The Bible is a book of teaching and history. Due to the many revisions, it is not completely accurate. It was written mostly to allow the writers to express a message. While the Bible is an important tool, it is not the core of my faith.

The church is a place where people of similar beliefs can gather together to learn and grow in their faith. The people worship together and support each other. The church is also a place that aims to help others through mission work. Mission work is very important in the life of the church. The church should strive to be a good example for the rest of the community. The church should show love and tolerance for everyone. God loves everyone and the church should try to reflect this love into the lives of others.

In conclusion, I acknowledge that I may not have all of the answers. I also know that my faith changes everyday as I learn and grow.

***

Who I’ve Told So Far

So far I’ve told four people that I’m interested in in the LDS church. Two of them were my old roommates who were wondering why missionaries were sitting on their couches. The roommates didn’t really care, but had questions about polygamy. The third person was the Boy. His current official statement is that he’ll support me but he’ll be sad if I don’t want to look at churches with me after we’re married. That doesn’t make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside but I’ll take what I can get. I guess. :-\ And I told my very best friend Kay tonight. She’s fairly indifferent and understands the blend of ‘liberal’ values plus the more conservative religion. This is the fairly non-religious girl who is attracted to other women and does research on lesbian Israeli culture, but may convert to Conservative Judaism rather than Reformed. She can’t really criticize me. But she is coming to my baptism. Yay! Other than those four people, no one else knows. I told my mom that I’ve gone to a Mormon church but that’s it.

Telling My Friends

I don’t think my friends will care because they’ve already heard enough strange things come out of my mouth. Besides, I’m the weird pro-choice, anti-war, feminist, and extremely liberal knitter who ends up answering awkward sex ed questions from friends most of the time.

Telling the Fam

I am worried about my parents and other relatives. My mom is fairly nonreligious though she does believe in God and she goes to church when she has to. Her attitude is going to be “um, why are you going to church? why are you, the liberal person you are, going to a church known for conservative values?” My dad is a Catholic/Presbyterian mix and I’m pretty sure he’ll think that I’m now going to hell. I think my mom’s parents might think I’m joining a cult but won’t give me a hard time. And if I told my dad’s parents, they would definitely think I’m going to hell. They almost disowned us when I was baptized Protestant and not Catholic. So I’m not telling the grandparents anything.

Stay tuned for: What’s the big deal?

Tonight I was asked, “Do you believe the Book of Mormon is true?” Ummm, no? I don’t like the word ‘true’ in that sentence. A lot of Mormons say, “I know this Church is true” or “I know the Book of Mormon is true.” But what does that mean exactly?

To me, ‘true’ involves facts or something that can be empirically proven. Can I actually prove that the Book of Mormon is true? Can anyone prove that? No. Can anyone prove that God is real? No. Knowing kind of defeats the purpose of faith. Belief is more appropriate. I believe that the Book of Mormon is the word of God. Another way to put it is that I have a testimony. I think that believing is different than knowing but believing in something doesn’t make it less valid. It is a different way of knowing.

After explaining all of this to the missionaries and brother C, one of the missionaries says, “So I understand how you feel about the Book of Mormon. However, if someone else asks you, ‘Do you believe that the Book of Mormon is true…’” I said, “I should just say, ‘yes’ and avoid this 15-minute conversation!” And they said, yeah, that might be a good idea. Another thing I could say is that I have testimony that the Book of Mormon is valid.

Do statements like “This Church is true” bother other people? Is it a grammar issue? Can a noun be true? You don’t usually say, “This pillow is true.” You can say, “This story is true.” I think I’m just being an obsessive English major. I’ll stop now.

On the way to work today I was talking to the Boy about the Word of Wisdom, specifically the alcohol part of it. I said, it’s not about whether or not I think the drinking alcohol is immoral or not. Drinking isn’t immoral, unless you do something irresponsible while you’re intoxicated. It’s about making a promise when I know I can’t keep that promise. Plus I can’t really fudge on the WoW because it’s pretty obvious if you’re drinking a beer at the bar.

Anyhow, I come how from work to find an email from the Boy. Basically he’s upset because I’m talking about changing what I do based on a rule I don’t really believe in. He has a good point there. But that’s why I’m continuing to meditate on it. Then he says, “I know it probably sounds like I’m just trying to fight this conversion idea tooth and nail, but I swear I told myself yesterday that I would just try to accept it and be supportive. That being said, I don’t want to see you give up something that I know you enjoy unless you’re sure it’s worth it.” Err… well, I know it’s worth it. (Ha! Maybe there’s my answer to the WoW issue!) And I’m concerned that he has to tell himself that he will try to accept it and be supportive. So we had a talk about that. It seemed to stress him out more than it stressed me out.

Here’s what we came up with. 1. Having a mixed faith marriage is not a deal-breaker. 2. Neither of us will try to convert each other. 3. His preferred church option is for us all to have the same religion. I’ve told him that I can’t promise him that. Another option (my preferred option) is to go to our ‘family’ service in the morning and then I can go to the LDS service in the afternoon. Hopefully we’ll live in a ward with an afternoon service. For some bizarre reason, that is not a good option for the Boy. Why? Because, according to him, I would be “just paying lip-service” to that church. Um, no, I’m fairly flexible on attending church services. I’ll go and support my husband and kids as long as I don’t have to believe. I did grow up in a Protestant church, y’know. Another option is for him to come to church with me - and then when we have kids, we can decide whether or not to send them to Sunday school or to have them just go to sacrament meeting. Of course, I’d be fine with him being baptized too — but only if that’s what he wants to do. The Boy says he just needs to get used to the idea that I’m probably going to be a Mormon. Poor guy.

Abiding by the Word of Wisdom (WoW) is one of the hardest things for me to deal with. I agree with most of it, but not the alcohol part. And I only partly agree with the tea/ coffee part. For the rest of it, I’ve never smoked and I can’t stand secondhand smoke. Why would anyone deliberately want to do that to their lungs? Chewing tobacco doesn’t sound all that great either. The diet recommendations are reasonable as well.

Avoiding tea and coffee is easy. Coffee shops are popular in college towns. You can study there, hang out with friends, and go on first dates. Luckily coffee shops sell many other things than coffee and tea, such as hot chocolate, mint chocolate chip frozen drinks, and Italian soda. No one ever says, “Why didn’t you get a coffee?” At home, I was a big tea drinker. I love English breakfast tea with sugar and cream. There’s something so comforting about it. Since I started complying with the WoW, I’ve invested in some good herbal “teas” - which are more like infusions.

So my question is, what’s wrong with drinking in moderation? I’m 22 and I’ve done most of my drinking after the age of 21. I find that it’s a social activity. I don’t have more than four drinks per month and I only drink when I go out to a bar with friends for a meal. Or I drink when I’m hanging out with the Boy who I see about once a month. He is a beer fanatic and likes to get all of the fancy, locally brewed beers. Also, for those who don’t drink, good beers and hard ciders taste great. There’s nothing that tastes quite like a beer. The D&C 89:5-6 says:

5 That inasmuch as any man ^adrinketh ^bwine or strong drink among you, behold it is not good, neither meet in the sight of your Father, only in assembling yourselves together to offer up your sacraments before him. 6 And, behold, this should be wine, yea, ^apure wine of the grape of the vine, of your own make.

One of the major questions that I have is: Is it wrong to join the LDS church when I don’t have that TBM* faith? And out of that question comes another: Why is it all or none in the LDS church? Why can’t there be a middle way?

The all-or-none phenomena baffles me. Maybe it’s the way I was raised. We could always question our church when I was growing up. I was very aware that my parents didn’t didn’t believe everything the church taught. I knew they didn’t share the same religious beliefs. It is bizarre to read stories about people who believe everything the LDS church teaches. It seems like it would make your expectations of the church so much higher.

If I was someone else, I would ask me: why join a church that you don’t completely agree with? Well, I don’t think I will ever find a church that I agree with 100%. At the same time, I need to have something to believe in, and right now I need to believe within the structure of a church. I like many things that the LDS church teaches. I dislike some of the social aspects and the all-or-none phenomena is one of them.

The church is a human institution. The prophets are human. Neither the church nor the prophets are infallible. Only the Godhead is perfect. This seems so clear to me and it solves many of the issues with the LDS church. I doubt Heavenly Father would grant us a perfect church. Our purpose here is to learn, yes? And to learn we need to make mistakes. So why can’t the church be the same way? I think Heavenly Father gives us direction but he wants us to figure things out on our own too. Isn’t that how most parents are?

So back to my original question: Is it wrong to join the Church when I lack TBM faith? I’m not sure. I don’t think it’s wrong. I think it is better to look at your religion and say, “you know, there are some things that I don’t agree with, but there is a lot I like. I believe that things will work out in the end.”

* TBM = True Believing Mormon