Our rings arrived today from Boone Titanium Rings. From left to right: J’s engagement ring; my ring (wedding & engagement) for work; my engagement ring. I need a separate ring for work because I really don’t want to get my rings all germy and gross when I’m at the hospital. Plus titanium is very strong and easier to sanitize.
I bought J an engagement ring on Saturday. Which sounds kind of funny. Maybe I should call it a commitment band (or ring). J wasn’t initially thrilled with the idea, and so I wasn’t planning on getting him one. But since I’ve been wearing my ring for the last two weeks, I’ve decided that J should wear a ring while we’re engaged.
There’s lots of reasons why I bought J a ring, but most of all, I want J to feel like I do when I wear my engagement ring. I feel happy. I want everyone to see my pretty ring. I want them to know that I’m engaged. It reminds me of J and how much we love each other. It’s a constant, visual reminder of our bond and our commitment to each other.
So J has agreed to wear the ring (not like he has a choice ;-)). And he says he’s happy about it. I’m not sure how much I believe him. Sometimes J is more traditional than me. And he says he’ll only wear it on his right hand. I guess I’ll take what I can get.
Guys, would/did you wear an ring to signify your engagement? Would you only do so if your fiancee asked you to? Gals, would/did you want your fiance to wear a ring? Would it be weird if he expected a ring from you?
PS- If anyone is looking to buy titanium rings, I highly recommend Boone Titanium Rings. I ordered two customized rings (one for J, and one for me to wear at work) on Saturday and they were shipped out this morning (Monday).
Well, I had a very eventful weekend. J arrived, we packed up the car, I panicked because not everything fit in the car, we repackaged everything into grocery bags, we re-loaded the car, we hugged everyone goodbye, we drove to campus for one last look and… J AND I GOT ENGAGED! 
Woohoo! And I still can’t believe it. And then we spent the next 12 hours driving in the car and calling all of our family and friends.
That J is a sneaky, sneaky guy. He bought the antique engagement ring I fell in love with and showed him almost three months ago. At the time, he told me that he didn’t want any input from me on the proposal, but I managed to get him to look at rings with me so he would know what style I liked. And then he said that he preferred to get a new diamond and ring. So I thought it was a lost cause and that the ring was sold long, long ago. And it was sold — sold to J who sneakily picked it up before arriving at my house. Then on Friday night he went downstairs to “get a glass of water” and asked my dad for his blessing. According to J, my dad was smiling a lot. And apparently my mom and my sister were eavesdropping so they knew too. J proposed the next day when we went downtown to take one last tour of the campus before heading for the highway. I was suspicious by that point but I thought maybe I was just being silly. So I still went into shock when he went down on one knee and said, “Will you marry me?” I barely managed to mumble out “yes” and then “thank you” when I saw the ring. Who says ‘thank you’ during a proposal? ::smacks forehead:: I thought I’d cry and jump up and down, but, no, I kind of just stood there and said “yes.” Poor J.
As we walked back to the car, I asked, “By the way, where did you get this ring from?” And he said, “Where do you think I got it from?! It’s the one you showed me!” And I said, “Well, I thought so, but I wasn’t sure. I thought it was a lost cause.”
So here’s the ring. Isn’t it beautiful? I love it. (Of course, the picture doesn’t do it justice.) And what’s better is that I’m marrying J - the most wonderful guy ever.
Three more days until I move. Ahh! It’s exciting but also somewhat terrifying. I have a million and one things to do before then. And I would rather just sit around and watch TV and knit. It’s my only free time I’ll have for the next two years or so. I did manage to finish packing today - phew. Now I’m wondering if all of my boxes will fit into J’s car. I considered taking pictures of my giant mound of boxes and emailing the photos to him for his opinion. I suppose I can always ship anything that doesn’t fit.
I am so glad that I will no longer be in a long long distance relationship! Well, I’ll still be two hours away from him, but that’s better than 12 hours. And hopefully that means we’ll see each other on the weekends. Long distance relationships are awful, but they’re worth it if you’re with the right person. I just wish we could get married already. Last year I was hoping to get married this summer - especially since I’m moving across the country for this boy. But we ended up compromising and now I’m expecting a ring this summer. I’ll shoot for a wedding date of Aug. 2009. The commitment has been there for a long time, but J says that he’s committed to me even if we’re not married or engaged. But being married is so much more permanent! The whole engagement thing is his arena though. So I just have to wait. Which drives me crazy. Did I mention that I like to be in control of these types of things? Sorry if I’m rambling and whining. 
Anyhow, I feel like I’m starting a new chapter of my life. I’ll finally be (almost) completely independent from my parents. I’ve already graduated from college, so it shouldn’t be too hard to get another bachelors degree. I’ll know what to expect. The depression is mostly under control so I won’t have to grapple with that again. I’ll live in this great, big city with lots of things to do and lots of people my age. I’ll make new friends. I’ll probably be engaged soon, then married. Then comes the new job and moving again (for J’s schooling). Then being a mother (hopefully) - and I think that will be the start of another chapter.
So I decide that the phone conversations have been pretty boring and that I should stir the pot. I ask the harmless question, “Would you take my last name if we got married like how you would take yours?” And I’m expecting the reasonable answer of “yes” and he said, “no”! Whaaa? Why not? We agree on the point that it just makes everyone’s lives easier if an immediate family has the same last name. But why does it have to be his last name? It could just as well be mine. My last name is more cool and unique than his. I wasn’t even asking him to take my last name, I was just asking him if he would. Why should he ask me to do something that he wouldn’t do himself? That’s not fair. (Yeah yeah, I know life’s not fair.) He thinks that our family should have his last name because it’s tradition and because it’s important to him. I push for other reasons - maybe the guys would make fun of him, maybe people would say stuff about us - but the only reason he’ll give me is that it’s tradition. If he has said yes, he would take my last name, then I wouldn’t have a problem with taking his. I don’t understand how he could be upset with me for not taking his last name when he won’t take mine.
Anyhow, it’s not a major issue in the relationship and we have plenty of time to talk about it. And I have a lot of time to make up my mind. I’ll probably end up taking his last name to keep the peace more than anything else. I just wish that he would at least be willing to take my name, if I’m going to be taking his.
Did anyone else have this issue before getting married? How did you deal with it? Is it ok for you to ask your significant other to do something that you wouldn’t do yourself? Would you take your significant other’s last name is she or he asked you to?
What better way to start off then to discuss the all-time confusing topic of getting engaged? Let me fill you in on the relationship thus far. The Boy and I have been dating for a little over a year. We met online via Match.com which sounds really cheesy. Yes yes, I see you rolling your eyes. But he was a student at the same school as me which makes it much less creepy than you might expect. Anyhow, after the third date I basically knew that we would get married one day. There was that instant sort of connection; we felt like we knew each other all our lives. As we enjoyed the first few months of being in love, there was a dark cloud hanging overhead: The Boy would be graduating and moving across the country in a few months. After many arguments with myself I decided that the connection we had was more important than the fact that he would be 12 hours away.
So while the beginning was rather rough, the year hasn’t been too bad. We see each every 3-5 weeks - this is mostly made possible by his full-time salary. Now the plan is/was/will ever be for me to move out to be with him. Ideally I would also be moving out there to go to school. Unfortunately, I am currently jobless and school-less. Thus I am not finding much motivation in moving out there. After a year of this we can obviously survive being apart for a few more months. I am just having a hard time with moving there for “us” or as it sometimes feels, for him.
If I was his wife, or soon-to-be-wife, this would be a whole lot easier. For the sake of “us” I could give up the job I love, the city I call home, and the closeness to my family. Can I give all of that up as his girlfriend? I’m not so sure. It’s not like we’re moving out there together. He’s already established there and I’m leaving everything behind. This ’sacrifice’ (as I see it) would be easier if we were experiencing these losses and frustrations together. I know that I will move out there. If not next month, then at the end of the summer. But I also know that without that marriage commitment I will be resentful and bitter beyond what is healthy.
The Boy visited this past weekend and I dragged him down to the antique shop with me to show him engagement rings. I found the most beautiful ring and we had my finger sized and everything. The Boy wants to plan out the proposal by himself without any input from me. Fine, I’ll grant that. But I really did put the pressure on this weekend. I want him to know how I feel without him feeling like I’m giving him an ultimatum. Finally I reminded him, “Moving out East is a huge commitment for me, and I would like a tangible commitment from you in return.” And after thinking all of this over, I’m not sure what I want. Do I want to be engaged ASAP? Or do I want him to wait?
Half of me says I want to be engaged ASAP so that I feel like I am more able to make the decision to move out there. It will also help me feel less resentful since I will feel like the commitment is reciprocated. Half of me wants him to wait until I move out there. I don’t feel totally in love with him right now. Maybe we should wait until I’ve stopped feeling resentful about the move. Either way, I’ll say yes and I won’t regret it at all. Perhaps I should just leave the timing up to him and deal with whatever happens…
