Sunrise Tantalize

Dave wrote an excellent post on What Can’t Mormons Do? Part 2: The Law of Chastity. It helps me understand where LDS people are coming from with the Law of Chastity. But I just don’t get the overall picture. And I’m really trying to understand. I think it stems from fundamental differences in LDS and non-LDS thought.

(Dave, I’m not criticizing your post. I’m just trying to understand. And I don’t want to confuse anyone who is looking for basic LDS info at WhatDoMormonsBelieve by posting this in the comments section.)

I have grown up believing soul = spirit. But, according to Joseph Smith, soul = body + spirit (D&C 88). If Christ has saved our souls and they belong to him, and I would be the caretaker of my soul. If I take good care of my soul than it will return to Christ. Or maybe I should think of it more like a rental contract. I may use my body to house my spirit and the Holy Ghost but the contract says that the body cannot engage in sex before marriage. And if I obey the terms of the rental contract, then eventually the body will become my own at the resurrection. But that’s not even true because everyone (except a very small few) will be resurrected and united with their physical body. The difference in the kingdoms of heaven doesn’t have to do with what type of body we get back because we all get back our own bodies. The difference is what level we end up in and thus that makes a difference to our spirits.

This is a common argument as well and the one presented to me by the missionaries: Sexual intimacy can create life, and thus it is a sacred act similar to partaking the sacrament. But what about when it doesn’t create life - for example when barrier methods or birth control methods are used? Is it wrong to have sex when using birth control? More problems arise if the answer is no. Since sex is sacred because cause the creation of life, then it follows that sex is not sacred when it does not/ cannot cause the creation of life. If having sex is a sacred act, then why must it occur within the bonds of marriage? Marriage is sacred so then a sacred act like sex can only happen within marriage?

Maybe I have difficulty claiming that my body is sacred because it is so messed up. It doesn’t function properly. I have had random benign tumors inside of me. Without medication I am depressed for 8 out of 12 months of a year. I suffered with horrible acne for years as a teen. It is hard to view my body as sacred when it causes me so much pain. Or maybe I don’t view sex as sacred. Creating a child is sacred, but sex isn’t always.

I have a hard time understanding why God would command us not to have sex before marriage. I honestly think He doesn’t really care. How can it rank slightly below murder and denying the Holy Ghost? I feel like stealing, being abusive/harming someone, and selling drugs (among many other sins) ranks above sex before marriage. I think God cares if we did stupid things like get drunk and have a one night stand. Or have sex outside of marriage without protection. But how is it harmful to have sex within a loving, committed relationship where you accept all of the potential consequences of your actions including possible physical or emotional harm?

Obviously I’m very confused. Can anyone help me out? Why am I so confused? It seems so simple to those who have grown up in the LDS faith. Currently “because God said so” is my only reason for obeying the Law of Chastity, but I’d like to add some other reasons too.

The baptism is still on. Yay. I am actually excited. I decided several weeks ago that I wanted to be baptized. This was after the Boy told me that he knew that I would be baptized from the way I talked about the church. I’ve decided that I want to be baptized here and not after I move because I know people here and I want them to attend my baptism. I still need to tell the parents. But I feel more confident about that as my confidence in my decision and the LDS church grows.

The Boy and I had a long, emotional talk about the conversion issue. Of course this was while I wasn’t feeling well so I cried through most of it. Basically I said the same things that I said in Ch-ch-changes. I’ve asked him to be open with me about his thoughts and feelings. I think I was exaggerating how the Boy felt about the issue because he wasn’t talking to me about how he felt. This is the first major issue that we’ve had in our year and a half relationship, and it’s very hard to resolve on the phone when you’re a 12-hour drive away. Oh well, relationships are work. Luckily we respect each other and can work things out. Things are better now and he really is a great boyfriend. (You guys only get to hear me stress out about him and the religion issue here.)

I met with the missionaries today. The meeting was less tense than the last meeting. However, it is very awkward to have a conversation about the Law of Chastity with three men when no one else is around. Not to mention slightly inappropriate. I realize that someone has to teach me about it… but it was strange. I wish they had just told me to read the pamphlet and then I could ask them questions if I didn’t understand something. Seriously, how hard is the Law of Chastity to understand? I even summed it up for them: no sexual relations or activities outside of marriage. But then they had to clarify what those activities were. I spent most of the time staring at my shoes and zoning out. The ward member who was there did the same. Much to my surprise, I answered “yes” when I was asked if I would obey the Law of Chastity. I was planning on refusing to answer because I think it’s between me and God and it’s no one else’s business. I think I just wanted the awkwardness to be over so I blurted out “yes.” Awkward.

Anyhow, I feel like joining the LDS Church is like coming back home and I know that being baptized is the right decision.

So I met with the missionaries again today. I’m feeling a bit annoyed that I’ve been switched to a different ward and different missionaries mid-conversion. I was just starting to get used to the old ward and I had met several people. I’d met with those missionaries about six times. Now I have to go to a new ward and I’ll probably meet with the missionaries only 3 or 4 times before I get baptized. The new ward is very close to my parents’ house while my old ward is 20 minutes away. I’ll only be here for another 6 weeks or so before I move. I had been visiting the old ward for 3 weeks. Sigh.

Anyhow, we were talking about the process of confession and something jumped out at me. Why must we confess certain sins to our bishop? Aren’t all of my sins between me and God?

Here are the questions I asked and the answers I got:

• Q: Why should we confess certain sins to the bishop?
• A: Sins that we must confess have to do with either bringing a life into the world or taking one from this world (i.e. creating a baby or murdering someone).
  • Question I didn’t ask - Many violations of the Law of Chastity do not create a child — such as premarital sex when using birth control or masturbation.
• Q: Aren’t all sins between the sinner and God? Can’t forgiveness be granted directly?
• A: Only certain people who hold the priesthood keys can help the repentance process along.
• A: We need to make sure that people who have not repented for certain sins are not allowed in the temple because temples are sacred.
  • Q: Well, people who commit those sins shouldn’t go to the temple.
  • A: That would be nice but some people still go.
  • Q: So if these people still go to the temple even though they have committed a serious sin, wouldn’t they be likely to lie to the bishop?
  • A: (Discussion about discernment.)
  • A: We’ll look it up and get back to you.

Needless to say, these answers weren’t very satisfying. It seems to me that confession to the bishop seems a bit controlling. I understand that the bishop doesn’t grant forgiveness, and sometimes it is helpful to talk to someone about the sin. So if you don’t need forgiveness from the bishop and you think you can deal with it on your own, why go to the bishop? It seems that the Church wants to make sure that certain people (adulterers, murderers, etc) are not part of their church or at least they want to know if members are engaged in devious behavior. I think the confessing-to-the-bishop rule is a rule of man and not of God.

The other thing is that I don’t feel comfortable discussing sexual things with random people. Obviously the bishop doesn’t want you to be specific but I’d have issues with simply saying, “I had sex.” I think whether or not you obey the Law of Chastity is between you and God. It’s no one else’s business.

Some related posts I found: (since I don’t trust wordpress to find related sites)

Grace for Grace post
The law governing confession
Which sins do you confess to the bishop
Confession

A few weeks ago I stumbled across a post at The Cultural Hall titled “Confessions of a Serial Masturbator/ Repenter“. I have to admit, I am fascinated with all things Mormon and sexual. There’s something about the contrasting messages within the church and the bloggernacle. The LDS church teaches the Law of Chastity which basically means no sex outside of marriage, and marriage is between a man and a woman. From what I can tell, most LDS abstain from sex until they are married. The Church also teaches that “physical intimacy between husband and wife is beautiful and sacred. It is ordained of God for the creation of children and for the expression of love within marriage” (LDS). So there is this contrasting message between being chaste outside of marriage and enjoying sex within marriage. My reading on the ‘nacle indicates that most married LDS have very active, healthy sex lives. I cannot wrap my secularly-raised head around that. I suppose it’s because I view most people who believe in abstinence before marriage as sexually repressed (unfair, I know). They are told sex is bad bad bad, and this mentality brings them shame about all sexuality.

Anyhow, getting back to my main point, the post on masturbation really got me thinking about what I want to teach my children about sexuality. Here’s what I’ve come up with thus far:

• It’s okay to masturbate - only if you are discrete, and it is done in your room, and you wash your hands.
• It’s okay to look at porn occasionally. More than two times per month is too much. Seek help if you find yourself looking at it too much.
• Being LGBT is totally fine. We love you the same as all of our other children. We hope you find someone special to share your life with. (I totally expect at least one of my kids to be LGBT and I will be disappointed if none of them are.)
• No dating until you’re 16. No friends of the opposite sex upstairs. (This could cause a problem with my LGBT kids. I’ll have to think about that one…)
• Use protection! And I will lecture them on all types of birth control and STI protection methods. And I will be the cool (and embarrassing?) mom who allows her kid to buy BC pills.
• You’re getting the HPV vaccination. (Hopefully this won’t still be a controversial issue in 10+ years from now.)
• If you decide to have premarital sex, that’s fine. Just make sure you discuss it with God and you can talk to us too, if you want.
• Please avoid having sex until you’re 18 and out of the house. It just makes it easier on everyone.
• Moderation in all things.

What do you plan on teaching your kids about sexuality? What have you taught them already? What do you wish your parents/elders had taught you? Do you wish you had done something differently?