Sunrise Tantalize

Disclaimer: I think this is a really important issue and I think there is not enough information out there for parents and young women. So I’m going to try to put some information here, but I encourage you to do your own research as well. Talk to your health care provider or your child’s. Remember, I’m not a licensed health care provider.

What’s HPV?

HPV is a viral infection formally known as human papilloma virus. There over 100 different strains of HPV and about 40 strains are sexually transmitted. HPV is the most common sexually transmitted infection (STI). Some strains cause genital warts, others cause cervical cancer, and most seem to not have any effects at all. According to Planned Parenthood, at least 50% of the population contracts HPV at some point during their lifetime.

There’s a good overview of the issues surround HPV and the HPV vaccine on PBS’s NOW website. Click here to watch the show.

What’s the HPV vaccine?

The HPV vaccine is sold by Merck under the tradename of Gardasil (R). You may have seen their “One Less” ads on TV or in a magazine. It’s a 3-shot vaccine. You get the first shot, then you get the second shot 2 months later, and then you get the third shot 4 months after the second shot. So it takes 6 months to get all three shots. The vaccine lasts for at least 5 years, maybe longer. A booster shot may be needed in the future, but they need to do more research to determine that. The HPV vaccine protects against 4 strains of HPV. Two of those strains cause 70% of the cases of cervical cancer, and the other two strains cause 90% of the cases of genital warts. Note that it does NOT prevent all types of cervical cancer or HPV.

The vaccine is recommended for all girls aged 11 and 12 years old. Girls as young as 9 and women as old as 26 are still qualified for the vaccine. It is better if the vaccine is given before sexual contact occurs (thus 11 and 12 is the prime age) for prevention of HPV infection. While the HPV vaccine cannot treat or cure preexisting infections, it can prevent you from being infected by another strain. For example, if Suzie has the type 6 HPV virus, she can still get the vaccine and be prevented against types 9, 16, and 18. So even if you or your daughter has had sex before and are under the age of 27, you should still get the HPV vaccine.

Also, the HPV vaccine cannot prevent existing cases of cervical cancer. Likewise, not all cervical cancer is caused by HPV so you should still get a gynecological exam and a Pap smear done as recommended by your health care provider.

Why get vaccinated if you’re abstinent or in a monogamous marriage?

Consider this, Sara Ylen, a married mother, went grocery shopping in May 2001 and was raped in the crowded grocery store parking lot. Two months later she ends up in the ER in pain and is diagnosed with HPV. Three years later she’s diagnosed with cervical cancer which reaches stage 4, goes into remission, but then the cancer comes back. Would you want this for your daughter? Yourself? Btw, you can find Sara’s Story in a PDF version here. It’s very sad.

Won’t getting the HPV vaccine make my teenage daughter more likely to have sex?

Potentially. But it’s unlikely. If you’re concerned about your daughter having sex then you either need to teach her that she must use protection if she has sex, or you need to teach abstinence. Whatever you are more comfortable with. Personally I prefer safer-sex ed over abstinence only, but she’s your kid. Also, the HPV vaccine only prevents 4 strains. That means that with more than 100 strains out there, your kids still need to be using protection if they have sex.

You could also think about this: Hepatitis B can be transmitted via sexual contact. Most kids today are vaccinated against Hepatitis B at a fairly young age. Do those vaccines make a preteen or teen more likely to have sex? I seriously doubt it. If you get a tetanus shot, are you going to go step on rusty nails?

Isn’t the vaccine expensive? How can I obtain the vaccine for less money?

The vaccine costs about $120 per dose and there are 3 doses. That adds up to $360 total. More and more health insurance companies cover all or part of the vaccine. You can also find some state-sponsored programs that provide the vaccine at a lower price. Try searching your state’s website or asking your health care provider. Merck also has a program that provides the vaccine at low or no cost to those who can’t afford it.

What’s up with this HPV vaccine mandate that is mentioned sometimes?

Some states are looking at requiring that all 11 and 12-year-old girls be vaccinated against HPV. Why? Well, first of all, prevention of the virus as well as cervical cancer is key. Some parents are upset because they see it as the government telling them what to do. Also, since HPV is a sexually transmitted disease, parents worry that the vaccine would encourage their kids to have sex sooner. Benefits of mandating the vaccine are lower rates of HPV infection in both males and females, as well as lower rates of cervical cancer. Another benefit of a mandate has to do with increased funding for the vaccine and health insurance companies would be more likely to cover the cost.

What should I do about the HPV vaccine?

First, do your research. Talk your health care provider. Evaluate the facts and make the decision that’s right for you and your family. My position is that every young woman should have this vaccine, if they are healthy enough to get the vaccine (no immune disorders, etc). But ultimately the decision is up to you.

Resources:

* Planned Parenthood: HPV and genital warts; HPV vaccine Q and A
* Merck’s Gardasil site
* Center for Disease Control on the HPV vaccine
* Vaccines for Children - government sponsored program that supplies free vaccines to children and teens under the age of 19 who are either uninsured, medicaid eligible, American Indian or Alaskan Native.

On the way to work today I was talking to the Boy about the Word of Wisdom, specifically the alcohol part of it. I said, it’s not about whether or not I think the drinking alcohol is immoral or not. Drinking isn’t immoral, unless you do something irresponsible while you’re intoxicated. It’s about making a promise when I know I can’t keep that promise. Plus I can’t really fudge on the WoW because it’s pretty obvious if you’re drinking a beer at the bar.

Anyhow, I come how from work to find an email from the Boy. Basically he’s upset because I’m talking about changing what I do based on a rule I don’t really believe in. He has a good point there. But that’s why I’m continuing to meditate on it. Then he says, “I know it probably sounds like I’m just trying to fight this conversion idea tooth and nail, but I swear I told myself yesterday that I would just try to accept it and be supportive. That being said, I don’t want to see you give up something that I know you enjoy unless you’re sure it’s worth it.” Err… well, I know it’s worth it. (Ha! Maybe there’s my answer to the WoW issue!) And I’m concerned that he has to tell himself that he will try to accept it and be supportive. So we had a talk about that. It seemed to stress him out more than it stressed me out.

Here’s what we came up with. 1. Having a mixed faith marriage is not a deal-breaker. 2. Neither of us will try to convert each other. 3. His preferred church option is for us all to have the same religion. I’ve told him that I can’t promise him that. Another option (my preferred option) is to go to our ‘family’ service in the morning and then I can go to the LDS service in the afternoon. Hopefully we’ll live in a ward with an afternoon service. For some bizarre reason, that is not a good option for the Boy. Why? Because, according to him, I would be “just paying lip-service” to that church. Um, no, I’m fairly flexible on attending church services. I’ll go and support my husband and kids as long as I don’t have to believe. I did grow up in a Protestant church, y’know. Another option is for him to come to church with me - and then when we have kids, we can decide whether or not to send them to Sunday school or to have them just go to sacrament meeting. Of course, I’d be fine with him being baptized too — but only if that’s what he wants to do. The Boy says he just needs to get used to the idea that I’m probably going to be a Mormon. Poor guy.

Abiding by the Word of Wisdom (WoW) is one of the hardest things for me to deal with. I agree with most of it, but not the alcohol part. And I only partly agree with the tea/ coffee part. For the rest of it, I’ve never smoked and I can’t stand secondhand smoke. Why would anyone deliberately want to do that to their lungs? Chewing tobacco doesn’t sound all that great either. The diet recommendations are reasonable as well.

Avoiding tea and coffee is easy. Coffee shops are popular in college towns. You can study there, hang out with friends, and go on first dates. Luckily coffee shops sell many other things than coffee and tea, such as hot chocolate, mint chocolate chip frozen drinks, and Italian soda. No one ever says, “Why didn’t you get a coffee?” At home, I was a big tea drinker. I love English breakfast tea with sugar and cream. There’s something so comforting about it. Since I started complying with the WoW, I’ve invested in some good herbal “teas” - which are more like infusions.

So my question is, what’s wrong with drinking in moderation? I’m 22 and I’ve done most of my drinking after the age of 21. I find that it’s a social activity. I don’t have more than four drinks per month and I only drink when I go out to a bar with friends for a meal. Or I drink when I’m hanging out with the Boy who I see about once a month. He is a beer fanatic and likes to get all of the fancy, locally brewed beers. Also, for those who don’t drink, good beers and hard ciders taste great. There’s nothing that tastes quite like a beer. The D&C 89:5-6 says:

5 That inasmuch as any man ^adrinketh ^bwine or strong drink among you, behold it is not good, neither meet in the sight of your Father, only in assembling yourselves together to offer up your sacraments before him. 6 And, behold, this should be wine, yea, ^apure wine of the grape of the vine, of your own make.

One of the major questions that I have is: Is it wrong to join the LDS church when I don’t have that TBM* faith? And out of that question comes another: Why is it all or none in the LDS church? Why can’t there be a middle way?

The all-or-none phenomena baffles me. Maybe it’s the way I was raised. We could always question our church when I was growing up. I was very aware that my parents didn’t didn’t believe everything the church taught. I knew they didn’t share the same religious beliefs. It is bizarre to read stories about people who believe everything the LDS church teaches. It seems like it would make your expectations of the church so much higher.

If I was someone else, I would ask me: why join a church that you don’t completely agree with? Well, I don’t think I will ever find a church that I agree with 100%. At the same time, I need to have something to believe in, and right now I need to believe within the structure of a church. I like many things that the LDS church teaches. I dislike some of the social aspects and the all-or-none phenomena is one of them.

The church is a human institution. The prophets are human. Neither the church nor the prophets are infallible. Only the Godhead is perfect. This seems so clear to me and it solves many of the issues with the LDS church. I doubt Heavenly Father would grant us a perfect church. Our purpose here is to learn, yes? And to learn we need to make mistakes. So why can’t the church be the same way? I think Heavenly Father gives us direction but he wants us to figure things out on our own too. Isn’t that how most parents are?

So back to my original question: Is it wrong to join the Church when I lack TBM faith? I’m not sure. I don’t think it’s wrong. I think it is better to look at your religion and say, “you know, there are some things that I don’t agree with, but there is a lot I like. I believe that things will work out in the end.”

* TBM = True Believing Mormon

And now for something completely different! Today’s post is on getting admitted to a school after your grades have suffered due to a long-term illness.

When I was applying for my second degree, I searched the web for something that would help me deal with the extreme dip in my grades due to my chronic illness. There are lots of resources for those who had dealt with a short-term dip due to incidents like accidents, short and severe illness, death of a loved one, being immature and drinking too much. But almost nothing for people in my situation. I want to offer my experience to anyone who is in a similar situation where a long-term illness, family/ relationship issue, etc. has damaged your grades.

I’ll tell you the whole story of dealing with depression in college some other time. Let’s focus on admissions. So here’s what helped me.

• Stop worrying about your current GPA! It’s in the past and there’s nothing you can change in the past. Move on. (FYI - I got had a 2.7 GPA when I applied to schools. But I did very well in my nursing classes and classes for my major.)
• Get awesome recommendations from profs and employers who know you well. Be sure that they will write wonderful things about you before giving them the forms though.
• Focus on getting good grades (A’s and B’s) for your remaining semesters. Remember, what they are looking for is improvement.
• If you did horribly in one of your prerequisite classes then consider retaking the course.
• Write excellent application essays - this is a game of telling them what they want to hear but still coming off authentic. Get someone(s) to proofread your essays before you send them out.
• Research where you are applying. Make sure you have 1 or 2 schools that accept less typical students and who seem receptive to helping students succeed despite their past circumstances. The school I decided to attend clearly wanted to attract less traditional students and valued them for their life experiences and insights.
• Consider writing a letter to the admissions committee explaining why your grades dropped due to your condition. I did this after I got rejected from two schools. I figured they probably looked at my transcript and figured I partied my sophomore and junior years. In the letter I briefly explained what my illness was and said that it effected my grades significantly. I told them that I was now receiving treatment and I knew that I could be successful in their program. I also pointed out my recently improved grades.
• Hope, wish, pray and wait. Continue to work on your grades in case things don’t work out. If possible have a friend like Kay who told me, “So what if you don’t get in? What’s the worst that could happen. You’re smart and determined. Just reapply for the next round of deadlines. You’ll be fine.” Somehow I find Kay’s comments more comforting that those that say, “What? Of course you’ll get in! Who wouldn’t want you?”

Questions, comments, concerns? I’d be glad to address them. And good luck to those of you who are in the application process!

I had a teary conversation about faith last night with the Boy. For those of you not following along, I am an investigator of the Mormon church. The Boy(friend) is fairly non-religious and not very spiritual. We plan on getting engaged fairly soon so we try to talk out all of our differences and similarities so we know what to expect in marriage. Faith is becoming one of those differences. We both grew up Protestant but hadn’t attended church regularly in years. I figured we’d find some nice Protestant church to join when we had kids. Now I’ve gone and messed everything up.

I feel that spirituality is an intensely personal thing. I don’t think anyone should have to compromise on their beliefs. I want my kids to be independent thinkers who choose to believe or disbelieve in things. I want the Boy to make religious decisions on his own. Previously I told him that I would never pressure him to subscribe to the same faith as me. I also gave him the ability to refuse to bring up our future kids in the Mormon church. Currently he’s not attending any church. But with me going to church, it looks like he wants to attend a church too.

The most recent statement from him is that he will support me in whatever faith I choose. If I join the Mormon church, he will attend services with me but he probably won’t be baptized. If it’s important to me, then it’s important to him too. (He’s a good bf. ) Apparently he’s been doing some research. He’s reading LDS apologist, ex-mormon, and NOM websites, I think. He asks me questions all the time. Questions I don’t have the answers to. I finally said, “You could just talk to the missionaries. Just tell them ahead of time that you don’t want to convert.” He said that he would talk to them. I almost spit water all over my keyboard. His request to me is to attend other churches with him until we found one that was right for us. But that won’t be happening soon because we won’t be living with each other until Dec. 2009, and we won’t even be in the same state.

I feel guilty for bringing this disagreement into our relationship. I think we both are having trouble with what we want for ourselves versus what we want the other person to do. For example, the Boy wants me to find a church with him. He also wants me to be happy and says that he really shouldn’t be asking me to be of the same faith or denomination as him. I feel bad because I think he should be able to ask that of me. I feel guilty for not seeing religion as a ‘couple’ activity. At the same time, I want to make my own decisions about my spirituality and my faith. I don’t particularly care what he does, though he is welcome to join me if he likes. So basically we are both too nice and we want the other person to be happy.

Another thing he said to me was, “I can tell by the way you talk that you’ve already made up your mind about this. I know you will join the Mormon church.” I wanted to say, “No, that’s not true.” But maybe it is. I don’t know. I suppose that’s another post entirely.

ETA: Some helpful links I’ve found:

• Faces East
• Dear fMh and comments

Right now I am surrounded by all of my worldly goods. Everything that belongs to me. I spent today and yesterday packing packing and moving all of my stuff out of my apartment. This is my fourth move within a year. Every time I pack I think to myself, “Ugh! I have so much crap!” I’ve been making efforts to cut down on the amount of stuff I have, but I still have so much. It makes me think about how I lucky I am to have to make decisions about what to keep and what to donate and what to throw out. I tossed most of what was open in my refrigerator and cupboard.

In The Irresistible Revolution, Shane Claiborne talks a lot about the poverty and how wrong it is for someone to be sleeping on the street while another person has a spare bed in their house. He argues that Jesus would not be happy with the way most of us are living. We are so far removed from the poor that we don’t know what they are like. Most people will donate canned food, old clothes, and money but few of us actually go into the streets and talk to these people. We don’t know who they really are or why they’re there or what they’re doing. They’re invisible to us most of the time.

Would Jesus be happy with how I’m living? I think he would say that I could do much more to help others than I am now. I don’t think he’d be happy with my collection of stuff. My $400 kindle, my laptop, my extra clothes and shoes. Sure, I donate everything I don’t need to the PTO thrift shop. I donate my old books to the library so they can sell them to raise money. I work with the local charity that provides food for the hungry. We stand in lines and package the food up. I never actually go and visit the people I donate to. Shane’s right; there is a huge disconnect.

According to the Gospels, Jesus was poor. Likewise he loved the poor. He had no home and worn tattered clothes. He relied on others for food and shelter. Still, he welcomed the poor, sick, and neglected. (I’m sure it didn’t hurt that he was the son of God.)

I don’t feel too terrible about the fact that someone is sleeping on the ground while I’m sleeping in my bed. That makes me sound like a terrible person. But truly, who thinks about that on a day-to-day basis? Maybe Shane is onto something. It is awful that our society ignores the poor. But our society ignores a lot of people. I try to do what I can. I comfort myself with my goal of opening or working in a clinic for low-income/ disadvantaged patients. And I pray and thank God and feel lucky for the things I have. But I still feel guilty sometimes.

Today I hung out with the missionaries and tried to figure out the confusing concept of “The Eternal Plan” (aka the Mormon view of the afterlife). I asked them several questions such as: “What?!” “So the Dali Lama would go to the Terestial world?” “What are angels exactly? Spirits who previously lived on earth?” They would tell me the standard church answers and usually illustrate with some real world example. They explained things pretty clearly and once I was set on the church theory and doctrine I said, “Okay.” “Okay?” they said. “Don’t you have any more questions?” When I said that I didn’t, they looked shocked.

Later, as I was driving, I thought about how easy it is for me to accept certain religious theories of the LDS church. I think there are several reasons for this phenomenon. First, I’ve been thinking and studying about this stuff for a while. It’s not my first introduction to it. Second, some things in the LDS church conform with the ideas that I had in my head before I started investigating. For example, people like the Dali Lama shouldn’t go to hell. And hell is more like a place that’s dark and far from God. Third, some things are familiar because they’re based on the Judeo-Christian tradition. If you can believe in the prophets of the Old Testament, you can believe that Joseph Smith was a prophet too. It’s no more believable or unbelievable. And fourth, I can believe different things with my heart and with my head. I don’t think it’s possible to prove or disprove the existence of a higher power. It’s not possible to prove if the Book of Mormon is true or false. My head thinks it can disprove that the Book of Mormon is true. And my heart feels that is it true.

My head is the rational one who believes in evolution without divine intervention. It thinks the earth is billions of years old. It does not believe in Adam and Eve. It thinks that the possibility is low that an uneducated young man correctly translated some gold plates. It thinks that finding gold plates in a New York hillside is unlikely. My head thinks the Bible is not the literal truth nor is the Book of Mormon. My head believes in modern medicine and none of that alternative crap.

My heart feels that God set evolution in motion. It feels that an uneducated young man could only translate the golden plates by divine intervention. It feels that the Book of Mormon is true. It feels that prayer, meditation, and other alternative treatments are equal to modern medicine in some areas. My heart feels good about the LDS church and it is the only church to make my heart feel that way.

Both my head and my heart believe in several things. They believe that people are basically good. They believe that homosexuality is just a different trait like hair color or eye color. Shame or condemnation should not be associated with it. They believe that there is a God out there somewhere. They believe that I should spend the rest of my life with the Boy and we will be happy.

And, finally, there are some things that neither the heart nor the head believe.

Thinking about all of this makes me see why the missionaries teach things in a specific order. One of the first things they request is that you pray to know if The Book of Mormon is true. If you don’t believe in the truth of the Book of Mormon, you won’t believe anything else they teach you. I still don’t “know” if the BOM is true. It’s hard to prove those kinds of things. I think I can accept church teachings so easily because I allow myself to assume that the BOM is true. Of course, I mull everything over and I don’t agree with absolutely everything. Now I feel like my heart feels that the BOM is true, but my head isn’t so sure.

…talking about the FDLS-Texas situation. I’m tired of reading about it and seeing pictures. I think that CPS shouldn’t have taken all of those kids out of there. I think the Texas FLDS compound is not a good place to grow up in. I see many different angles. So I’ve been avoiding saying anything. And, of course, the most unlikely person ever brings it up.

Mom: “What do you think about that fundamentalist thing in Texas?”

Me: (Big pause.) “I think they’ve made a big mess of it for everyone.”

Mom: “I feel like this is kind of similar to when the government took all those Native American kids away from their parents. Like they didn’t understand [the Native American's] culture.”

Me: “I guess. I think some plural marriages can be a good thing. But I don’t think girls should be married at 14 or 16 and –”

Mom: “It happened in the olden days.”

Me thinking: The life expectancy was shorter in the olden days. And don’t like the forced marriage thing.”

Mom: “I’m not sure if the kids would be in the compound or in foster care. They must be traumatized. They don’t have their parents and it’s a whole new culture for them. I just can’t believe that our country keeps making the same mistakes over and over again!”

(Long pause of about 2 minutes)

Me: “I went to a Mormon church a few weeks ago.”

Mom: “Why?”

Me: “Because I was checking out different churches.”

Mom: “Yeah, but why?”

Me: “Because I don’t have a church.”

Mom: “How was the church service?”

Me: “Pretty normal. Sang hymns, listened to talks, sat in pews. The people were really, really nice though.”

Mom whispering: “That’s because they think it’s their mission to convert you.”

***

What the heck? Of all people to bring that up - my mother? And apparently she’s been doing a lot of thinking about it. Weird. And I’m not putting that conversation up to cause controversy. I just think it’s interesting to get a non-LDS opinion. And a non-crazy opinion. Oh, and she knows the difference between FLDS and LDS because we had several family friends who were LDS.

Are people really just being nice to me because I’m an investigator? The thought has crossed my mind before. But I’d prefer to people the benefit of the doubt. An LDS family is swinging by and picking me up for church tomorrow. At least I’ll have someone to sit with.

So… continuing on with my search for faith. We left off with me stumbling upon Mormonism and finding, much to my surprise, that I liked it. Once I found the LDS church I did A LOT of research. I feel like I need to find out everything I can about a religion before I consider joining it. What did I learn? Well basically everything that the missionaries teach in their lessons. (This always seems to disappoint the missionaries.) I looked at the official church site, TBM sites, ex-mormon sites, post-mormon sites, and new order mormon sites. I researched church history - the good, the bad and the ugly. I’m not saying that I know it all, because clearly I don’t. I don’t know much, but I think I do know more than most investigators. I’ve thought about things, prayed about things and did even more research.

How does the Boy feel about this? Well… he’s not thrilled. I think the words “cult” and “magic underwear” were mentioned. Interestingly, he is the one who brought the Church up. He’s said several times in the past year, “You know, I would consider joining the Mormon Church. They seem to have such great family values.” The Boy grew up as a Methodist which is very similar to the Presbyterian Church. He also stopped going to church in college and he hasn’t found a church out East either. I think he’s upset that I’ve picked a faith without him. But he doesn’t particularly feed a need for spirituality like I do. Even when I stopped going to church I always felt that I had spirituality. So since he doesn’t really care, I’ll do what I want - and he’s pretty much ok with that. I feel like faith is so personal and it’s not something I want to compromise on.

I worry about whether I’m making the right decision or not. I read all these blogs of people who are dissatisfied with their faith or have left the church all together. So many of them seem so bitter. I worry about the Boy and if this will have any effect on our relationship. I worry about my future kids and what they will think about all this. I wonder what other LDS people will think if I’m the only LDS person in my family. I asked God (or Heavenly Father, whatever) what I should do about my future family. Here’s the feedback that I got:

• The Boy and I should feel free to subscribe to any faith we want; it doesn’t need to be the same.
• I should let the Boy decide which religion our kids will be brought up in because I’m more likely to accept other religions than he is to accept mine.
• My children should learn about my faith and their dad’s faith (if different). They should attend a church until they’re in high school and then they can make their own decisions.
• I shouldn’t pressure my children or the Boy into joining my faith. I don’t believe that their spiritual choices will reflect badly on me.

So, time will tell what happens. I won’t feel bad if in a few years I decide that the LDS church isn’t right for me anymore. Maybe the Boy will join my faith. Who knows? I guess I’ll continue to wait to be baptized until I’m sure that I’m making the right decision.