Sunrise Tantalize

The news media and blogosphere is awash with posts and stories about the California Supreme Court’s ruling on gay marriage. First I’d like to point out that the decision says that marriage is a constitutional right. However, if an amendment banning gay marriage was added to the California Constitution, then gay marriage would be prohibited in California. My first thought upon reading the headline was “yay! that’s a win for us,” where “us” means those who oppose a ban on gay marriage. You can oppose a ban on gay marriage and still disagree with gay marriage. There are many people who don’t support an amendment that would take away rights from individuals.

Personally I support civil gay marriage. I think that churches/ religious institutions should be able to determine whether or not they will marry people. I think the best solution would be to institute “civil unions” or a secular recognition of a marriage/union for all couples - gay and straight. Then if you want to be married in a church, you have to find a church that agrees to marry you. Churches aren’t currently obligated to marry everyone who walks through their doors. I can’t force the LDS Church to marry my bf and I in the temple. In this plan, all previous/ existing marriages would be granted a civil union without having to go back to court. I don’t understand why there is opposition to this type of plan - can someone fill me in (in a polite way please)? I see the debate over the best environment to raise children in (gay, straight, single, married) as a completely different issue.

Maybe the problem is with our definition of marriage. Traditionally marriages were preformed by religious officials but they were also civilly binding. Now you can get married in a church or in a courthouse. You don’t get more civil benefits by getting married in a church. Let’s say my plan was enacted - civil unions are required for everyone, but church marriages are optional and the church can control who they marry. So everyone who has a civil marriage gets civil benefits - insurance benefits, tax benefits, et cetera. Churches can enact their own benefits as well. The LDS Church already does this in a way. Anyone not sealed or married in the temple cannot make it to the celestial kingdom. There’s also the benefits of fulfilling family expectations of getting married in a church. Unless the Boy converts to the LDS Church, we probably won’t be getting married by a religious leader and it won’t be in a church. This will be upsetting for some of relatives because the union won’t be blessed by God. But we feel that due to the variety of religions practiced by our families, as well as our own differing religions, a non-religious marriage would be the most peaceful and comfortable for everyone. Of course, I would prefer to eventually be sealed in the temple either in this life or the next and I doubt the bf would have an issue with that.

I think there are some great points brought up in the posts and comments at Feminine Mormon Housewives and By Common Consent. I’m sure there will be more posts in the next couple days.

The baptism is still on. Yay. I am actually excited. I decided several weeks ago that I wanted to be baptized. This was after the Boy told me that he knew that I would be baptized from the way I talked about the church. I’ve decided that I want to be baptized here and not in Boston because I know people here and I want them to attend my baptism. I still need to tell the parents. But I feel more confident about that as my confidence in my decision and the LDS church grows. 

The Boy and I had a long, emotional talk about the conversion issue. Of course this was while I wasn’t feeling well so I cried through most of it. Basically I said the same things that I said in Ch-ch-changes. I’ve asked him to be open with me about his thoughts and feelings. I think I was exaggerating how the Boy felt about the issue because he wasn’t talking to me about how he felt. This is the first major issue that we’ve had in our year and a half relationship, and it’s very hard to resolve on the phone when you’re a 12-hour drive away. Oh well, relationships are work. Luckily we respect each other and can work things out. Things are better now and he really is a great boyfriend. (You guys only get to hear me stress out about him and the religion issue here.)

I met with the missionaries today. The meeting was less tense than the last meeting. However, it is very awkward to have a conversation about the Law of Chastity with three men when no one else is around. Not to mention slightly inappropriate. I realize that someone has to teach me about it… but it was strange. I wish they had just told me to read the pamphlet and then I could ask them questions if I didn’t understand something. Seriously, how hard is the Law of Chastity to understand? I even summed it up for them: no sexual relations or activities outside of marriage. But then they had to clarify what those activities were. I spent most of the time staring at my shoes and zoning out. The ward member who was there did the same. Much to my surprise, I answered “yes” when I was asked if I would obey the Law of Chastity. I was planning on refusing to answer because I think it’s between me and God and it’s no one else’s business. I think I just wanted the awkwardness to be over so I blurted out “yes.” Awkward.

Anyhow, I feel like joining the LDS Church is like coming back home and I know that being baptized is the right decision.

Well, I feel much better today. Some chemical must have been off in my brain or it was a weird side effect of my endocrine condition. Anyhow, church was the highlight of my day yesterday. I ended up going to the later ward that meets in the same building as my ward. My mom wanted to go out for breakfast in the morning and I’m not going to argue with mom on Mother’s Day. Luckily I knew a few families from when the Boy and I visited that ward, and sat with Kirsty and her family. Kirsty was a huge help and she has the convert experience. Her dad took several years to convert so it was helpful to talk to her about that too. Oh, and they passed out chocolate to all the women. Now that’s my kind of church!! (Just kidding - kind of)

The Gospel Principles lesson was on the Holy Ghost. The LDS concept of the Holy Ghost is really unique. Probably because the LDS Church lacks the Trinitarian belief of my old Presbyterian church. The rest of this post will probably sound rather strange to those who aren’t familiar with LDS beliefs. Anyhow, in the Gospel Principles class, Kirsty told me about the analogy of how the Holy Ghost is like the sun. There is just one sun but people everywhere can feel the sun when they’re standing in it. Remove yourself from the sun by standing in the shade is like blocking the Holy Ghost by not following God’s commandments. When you’re in the shade, you can still feel some heat from the sun and you remember what it feels like. I know now this is a common analogy, but whoever thought it up was very clever!

Sometimes I get so frustrated that I can’t always feel the Holy Ghost.  Like the answers don’t come very easily. I have to work much harder for them. I feel like I have to jump up and down and wave my hands and shout “Hey! Over here! I have a question!” I’m hoping that I can feel the Holy Ghost all the time after being baptized. Kirsty told me that she was baptized in her mid-teens and she could feel the Holy Ghost right away.

I did finally pray with intent about drinking alcohol. I’ve prayed several times before and never really got an answer, but I think I wasn’t ready to hear an answer. So on Saturday night I prayed to know if I should follow the Word of Wisdom and not drink. A few hours later, I had my answer. One way the Holy Ghost speaks to me is when I sense a very strong, clear thought that wasn’t there before. This time the thought was “Sometimes you don’t know why I ask you to do things, but in time, I will will make these things known.” 

Something I realized today is that my transition into the Church of JC of LDS is harder on my friends and family then it is on me. I am willing to make changes in my life because I have feel something special in my heart. Other people haven’t had this experience and don’t understand the changes. I also spend a lot of time thinking about my decision to be baptized and about various issues involving the Church. They don’t do that. So they look at me and think, what is wrong with her? Why is she changing so much? Why does she go to church for three hours? Why doesn’t she drink?

Honestly, my habits have changed but my overall personality has not. I’m still the same person that I’ve always been and my relationships with friends and family are the same. I think it’s just a shock to them and I hope that things will get better in time.

Sometimes I feel like I’m being pulled in two directions at once. The missionaries want me to be what I call “more Mormon”. They want me to hurry up and accept things. Their favorite answer is since I “know” the Book of Mormon is true, then Joseph Smith’s revelations must be true, and thus whatever they are teaching me must be true. They don’t seem to want to see things from my perspective or to understand that this is also a huge cultural change for me as well.

Then I have my friends pulling on my other arm. They want me to be “less Mormon”. To change more slowly. They have a harder time understanding why I’m choosing to join the LDS Church. They think it’s happening too fast.

Yesterday I met with the missionaries and a couple from the ward and we talked about the Word of Wisdom. Since I knew that I’d have issues with the Word of Wisdom, I’ve been researching and praying about it for several weeks. I’ve changed my habits so that I can obey the Word of Wisdom even though I’m still working on the drinking aspect. I tried to explain to them where I’m coming from. Drinking is a big part of my (college, twenty-something, secular) culture. The other group thing is that I have a hard time taking advice about drinking from people who have never tried alcohol. I wanted credit for what I’ve done so far, but the missionaries wanted a firm commitment that I will live the Word of Wisdom. I told them that I was doing the best I can. I went home feeling frustrated.

Side note: one missionary also implied that my boyfriend is a bad influence on me. He compared my bf to a drill sergeant who seriously harassed and was abusive toward one of the other missionaries who used to be a marine. Personally I think the missionary has issues with his nonmember father and takes it out on me and my boyfriend. I’m having a hard time interacting with and trusting this missionary now and I don’t want him to be a part of my baptism. If this becomes a bigger problem, what can I do about it? Can I talk to his mission president? Should I confront the missionary directly and tell him that he’s making me uncomfortable? I know that his behavior isn’t typical of all missionaries.

There’s more to this post/topic including some positive things. But I have a migraine so I’ll probably post the rest of it later.

Question: How do you make sure you are getting impartial, accurate information about LDS Church history and practices? When investigating an idea in the academic world, you find articles and books about subjects and weigh their arguments against each other. You can also use primary sources to form your own opinions about the idea. But how do you do this with information about the LDS Church found on the internet?

For example, let’s say I want to explore the history of the relationship between blacks and the LDS Church. I know the basic facts: Black men couldn’t hold the priesthood until 1978. (Black women and all women haven’t held the priesthood thus far, but that’s another issue.) I know how supporters of slavery often used the Bible to justify that horrible practice. I have the sneaking suspicion that similar arguments may have been used to deny black men the priesthood, but I’m not sure. I also have my own opinion on the issue: The exclusion of blacks from the priesthood was an unjustifiable mistake. Prophets who taught this practice were influenced by their times and the teachings of other churches. Their decision to deny the priesthood was not divinely inspired. The intent of this post is not to start an argument about the church and blacks and the priesthood or anything related to that. I wish to discuss how someone could find good information about that or any other issue related to the Church. Also keep in mind that I don’t want to write a 20-page research paper on the topic.

First you have the Church website. The first site that pops up when you search “blacks” on LDS.org leads to this article on race relations on the Church newsroom site. Now, no organization is going to want to say bad things about itself. So it doesn’t really go in depth. I also looked at the Encyclopedia of Mormonism under “blacks” which also gives a short history. Jeff Lindsay’s FAQ site has a page about the issue of race in the Mormon Church. He answers several common questions about the issue, but how do I know I can trust his information? He does cite other sources but there must be additional sources that do not support his viewpoint. There are articles at the FAIR website as well. I wish there was a nice, impartial source or sources that was not affiliated with the LDS Church. Someone who didn’t have an interest beyond historical accuracy. (Yes, I am aware that all history is biased, at least slightly.)

Has anyone found a source like this? Have other people run into similar issue while investigating the practices or history of their faith? What are some tips for finding accurate information on theological issues and church history? I’m sure this won’t be the last issue I’d like to investigate.

Update on the “Coming Out” Process (see the last 3 posts)

I’ve polled my siblings on telling my parents about joining the LDS church. My (younger) brother thinks that neither mom nor dad will care. And they don’t have any right to care. Dad might just be happy that I’m going to church, says my brother. Little sis thinks that Mom and Dad will both flip out with Mom rated as ‘kinda flipping out’ and Dad rated as ‘really flipping out.’ The Boy thinks that I should have bought the Strawberry Blonde beer I was lusting over in the grocery store to show my parents that I won’t be “a crazy conservative Mormon.” I think my parents know me better than that. I think the Boy may be worried that I’ll become a crazy conservative Mormon. But I am trying very hard to be patient with him.

Book of Mormon Resources/ Hints

If you’re struggling through the Book of Mormon for the first time (like me), here are some hints. My main problems are that I fall asleep while reading or I’m really confused about what’s going on.

• Try listening to the BoM instead of reading. The LDS Church has an audio page with a link to the audio version of the Book of Mormon. You can listen to each chapter in your browser or you can download the entire BoM or the individual books to your computer. If you download them you can upload them to your iPod/mp3 player or burn them to a CD and listen while you’re doing something else.
• I like to listen to the chapters with the physical copy propped up against my knees while knitting. Apparently I need to be multi-tasking at all times to stay awake. I got through 2 Nephi 1-10 in an hour tonight.
• There’s a pretty good summary at the Book of Mormon Online. Click on “Lehites in Jerusalem and Arabia” to start at 1 Nephi.
• If you want a version of the Book of Mormon in simple, modern English visit PlainBookofMormon.com. It’s basically the paraphrased version.
• You can find another summary here at Light Planet.
• The official Book of Mormon can be found at LDS.org.
• There’s a pronouncing guide in the back of the Book of Mormon. It’s after Moroni and before the index.

I was going to write about something else as well, but I forget what it is and I’m tired and going to bed.

What’s the big deal?

So why am I hesitant about telling my family and sharing my faith? Well, it’s not my style to tell everyone everything that is going on in my life. Everyone knows that I am very much in love with the Boy but they don’t need to know about all of our future plans or the exact ways that we show our love. I’m a quiet, reserved, introverted person. I don’t shout things from the rooftops.

In my family, sharing an idea means that the listener is now allowed to comment, make suggestions or condemn that idea. If you don’t want someone else’s opinion then don’t tell anyone about it. The difference between telling you (the audience) and my parents due to our relationship. Sure, you guys can comment and I can think about those comments but I can also choose to disregard them without consequences. My parents still have the idea that their opinion should count more than my own in my decision-making process. Then they get to nag me and follow me around until I submit to what they want me to do.

I also have heavy emotional scars from telling my parents things in the past. I didn’t tell them that I was depressed until I was 19 and I had been depressed since I was 12. Because I knew that they would blame me for a biological condition. Even though I’m well now, they still don’t want to talk about it. I’ve forgiven my parents for their reaction but it still hurts.

I think I’m avoiding telling my parents because I hate conflict. And I don’t want to defend my beliefs. I just want to say, “I’m getting baptized in the LDS church, and you’re welcome to come to the ceremony.” Then they can say, “Cool. We’ll come” or “Cool. But we don’t feel comfortable going.” But I know it’s not that easy. They’ll be a million questions about the church and what I do or don’t believe. The whole question of the grandchildren’s (my children’s) religion. What about baptism and marriage? What does the Boy think about all of this? How can I support a religion with such weird values? Why am I joining a religion that is anti-choice and doesn’t support homosexual relationships?

The current recommendation from Kay and the Boy is not to tell my parents about joining the Church. They think that if I must tell my parents, then I should do it while I’m in Boston and not while I’m living at home.

I don’t know. I debated even posting about this. I don’t know how they’ll react. Heck, I should just tell my mom tonight and see what she says. Then I’ll have something to real to write about and not just be speculating.

Who I’ve Told So Far

So far I’ve told four people that I’m interested in in the LDS church. Two of them were my old roommates who were wondering why missionaries were sitting on their couches. The roommates didn’t really care, but had questions about polygamy. The third person was the Boy. His current official statement is that he’ll support me but he’ll be sad if I don’t want to look at churches with me after we’re married. That doesn’t make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside but I’ll take what I can get. I guess. :-\ And I told my very best friend Kay tonight. She’s fairly indifferent and understands the blend of ‘liberal’ values plus the more conservative religion. This is the fairly non-religious girl who is attracted to other women and does research on lesbian Israeli culture, but may convert to Conservative Judaism rather than Reformed. She can’t really criticize me. But she is coming to my baptism. Yay! Other than those four people, no one else knows. I told my mom that I’ve gone to a Mormon church but that’s it.

Telling My Friends

I don’t think my friends will care because they’ve already heard enough strange things come out of my mouth. Besides, I’m the weird pro-choice, anti-war, feminist, and extremely liberal knitter who ends up answering awkward sex ed questions from friends most of the time.

Telling the Fam

I am worried about my parents and other relatives. My mom is fairly nonreligious though she does believe in God and she goes to church when she has to. Her attitude is going to be “um, why are you going to church? why are you, the liberal person you are, going to a church known for conservative values?” My dad is a Catholic/Presbyterian mix and I’m pretty sure he’ll think that I’m now going to hell. I think my mom’s parents might think I’m joining a cult but won’t give me a hard time. And if I told my dad’s parents, they would definitely think I’m going to hell. They almost disowned us when I was baptized Protestant and not Catholic. So I’m not telling the grandparents anything.

Stay tuned for: What’s the big deal?

So the countdown has begun. My baptism date is set. Now I need to think about (church-related) things I have to do before then.

• Continue taking lessons from the missionaries.
• Keep reading the scriptures.
  • I can read about five chapters of the Book of Mormon at a time and then I fall asleep. I’ll blame it on my faulty endocrine gland.
• Keep going to church.
• Research and think about things I am uncertain about.
• Finish my knitted wrap that I’ve now dubbed the Baptism Wrap.
• Learn how to pray aloud.
  • The missionaries laughed last time I prayed aloud - not in a mean way though.
• Remember to pray.
• Buy white underwear so I don’t flash everyone after I’ve been dunked.
• Follow the Word of Wisdom.
  • I’m down to no coffee, tea, wine or hard liquor. Tobacco was never an issue. No drinking in public. But I occasionally have a drink at home. The solution would just be to not buy any alcohol. But I’m living at my parents’ house and they usually have beer and wine around. Argh - self-control.
  • The comments on Drink, Drank, Drunk as well as this quote on the WoW has helped me, “Most people want some scientific proof of exactly which compound does exactly what, but honestly, it all just boils down to faith. The Lord doesn’t often provide a clear why with His commandments. If you believe the Lord said it, then you’ll just have to trust Him.”
• Tell my close family and friends about joining the LDS Church. (??)

That last item is going to be the hardest and I’ve been working on a post about it. My next few posts will probably be about that since I’ve decided it’s easier to explain in multiple parts.

Tonight I was asked, “Do you believe the Book of Mormon is true?” Ummm, no? I don’t like the word ‘true’ in that sentence. A lot of Mormons say, “I know this Church is true” or “I know the Book of Mormon is true.” But what does that mean exactly?

To me, ‘true’ involves facts or something that can be empirically proven. Can I actually prove that the Book of Mormon is true? Can anyone prove that? No. Can anyone prove that God is real? No. Knowing kind of defeats the purpose of faith. Belief is more appropriate. I believe that the Book of Mormon is the word of God. Another way to put it is that I have a testimony. I think that believing is different than knowing but believing in something doesn’t make it less valid. It is a different way of knowing.

After explaining all of this to the missionaries and brother C, one of the missionaries says, “So I understand how you feel about the Book of Mormon. However, if someone else asks you, ‘Do you believe that the Book of Mormon is true…’” I said, “I should just say, ‘yes’ and avoid this 15-minute conversation!” And they said, yeah, that might be a good idea. Another thing I could say is that I have testimony that the Book of Mormon is valid.

Do statements like “This Church is true” bother other people? Is it a grammar issue? Can a noun be true? You don’t usually say, “This pillow is true.” You can say, “This story is true.” I think I’m just being an obsessive English major. I’ll stop now.